Whether in a one-on-one setting or a presentation, I’m working on speaking boldly. In the past, I’ve frequently softened my statements to appease others. I’m not alone either. Many of the clients I work with worry about being bold. As a result, their message is so watered down that it does not influence their listeners. It’s time for everyone to develop a daring mindset to speak boldly.

Being courageous is not a quality you can “pull out of a hat” when trying to connect with those you are trying to communicate with. You need to adopt a bold mentality in your daily life. Otherwise, you won’t have the courage to speak boldly.

Writing my memoir, Raven Transcending Fear, has proven to be a very effective tool for encouraging my boldness. Because of my trepidation, it took years before I ever began to write.  But now that the book is out in the world, I feel more confident.

Be bold, be brave enough to be your true self. ~ Queen Latifah

What Are the Obstacles to Effective Communication?

What are some ways in which you sabotage your interactions with others?  Your emotions can wreak havoc on your ability to speak boldly.  Why? Because when you are stressed or upset, your ability to interpret non-verbal communication is at a disadvantage.  You also can put off confusing non-verbal cues and react instead of responding appropriately because you misunderstood something.  To overcome this issue, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself to communicate authentically. 

Are you fully present while conversing, or are you trying to multitask?  If you aren’t focused on the discussion, you aren’t actively listening to what’s being said.  So it shouldn’t surprise you when you miss receiving information vital to respond well.  To avoid this as an impediment to communicating, become fully present with the person you’re talking with. Look them in the eye as you are conversing. 

Not listening for comprehension is another obstacle to successful communication.  You are waiting for your turn to speak instead of genuinely hearing what is being said.  In doing this, you miss pieces of data that may be significant to your understanding.  Or you are interrupting the speaker because you think you know what they are trying to convey, which shows a complete lack of respect for the person talking.  Instead, consciously choose to listen to the speaker for full comprehension of what is being said, then pause and prepare your response. 

The two words ‘information’ and ‘communication’ are often used interchangeably, but they signify quite different things. Information is giving out; communication is getting through. ~ Sydney J. Harris

The Ego and Speaking Boldly

The ego gets fearful of authentic communication.  Why? Because when you are genuinely conversing with another, you are sharing yourself and your vulnerabilities.  The ego doesn’t enjoy being exposed.  It prefers to hide those so-called weaknesses behind a wall of lies and innuendos. 

The ego thinks that a little white lie is harmless, but it’s not.  Allowing the ego to pretend or withhold only makes communication more problematic and harms your relationships.  You need to express yourself without encroaching on others. Being able to convey anger or other negative feelings respectfully is imperative to your dealings with others.  

Seek honest feedback to test how effective you are at communicating with others.  Then heed the information.  Accept compliments and criticism in ways that support you to learn from the experience. Openly receiving feedback helps you flourish in life.  Asking for support when you need it shows others you know your skill set and are unafraid to ask for their help.

If you are not afraid of the voices inside you, you will not fear the critics outside of you. ~ Natalie Goldberg

Habits To Speak Boldly

Someone requested suggestions on how to speak confidently, particularly when feeling uncomfortable or intimidated. This got me thinking about how I’ve developed from being an anxious introvert who was easily frightened to where I feel calm, collected, and sometimes even joyous while speaking to an audience, to having my podcast and YouTube channel, Soul Solutions.

Here are some habits you can add to your life to help you adopt a courageous attitude in how you communicate with others.

Develop the strength to do bold things, not the strength to suffer. ~ Niccolo Machiavelli

1. Exude confidence

Stand tall. Head up, look forward, shoulders back. If you’re standing, place your feet firmly on the ground with your legs fully extended. The same is true if you’re sitting: create a posture that conveys that you’re attentive, focused, and respectable. Walk confidently and with a smile. Even if you don’t feel confident, keeping an assertive demeanor will make you feel as though you are capable and prepared for the exchange. Others will believe it too!

2. Speaking boldly builds respectability

Do you hesitate to express your opinions out of concern that they won’t be well-reasoned and backed up by facts? Maybe you are overly nice because you want to be liked and don’t want to deal with people getting unhappy. I’ve occasionally been reluctant to express my opinions for fear of upsetting others. When the issue worsens, I finally express my opinions, only to be told I should have spoken up earlier. Research shows that those who spoke up were regarded as leaders. That makes sense, but here’s the crazy twist: What these people said didn’t have to be brilliant, innovative, or great. So the lesson is to speak up and don’t worry about being perfect.

3. Evaluating the risk

Sometimes when I want to say something bold, I keep quiet because all I can think of is an unnamed catastrophe. But when I stop to consider what’s the worst-case scenario, I realize that the worst that could happen is the person I’m speaking to might be upset for a day. Can I deal with that? I can, yes. They frequently don’t even express irritation. They merely thank me for being honest. The negative effects of speaking boldly frequently don’t happen.

4. Get rid of unnecessary words

Do you use slang terms and phrases in your sentences? Like “I’d just like to” “sort of” or “kind of”. They weaken the impact and importance of your ideas. You might not be aware that you’re doing this. To get feedback, either record yourself and listen to the recording, or ask a member of your trusted tribe to critique you. Speak boldly instead of being timid. You’ll promote your views, make a point, and advance your endeavor.

5. Stop the nervous chatter

If you’ve stated something significant, but are afraid about sticking up for yourself. This can be especially true when the other person doesn’t answer right away or is staring you down. It’s easy to betray your insecurities through self-criticism, apologies, backing down, or giving alternatives. Don’t do it. When you stand on what you’ve said, it will help you gain the respect of others. If this is hard, you can count backward from 20 in your head to allow the silence to sit there.

6. Visualize it beforehand

Brain scans have shown that your brain cannot tell the difference between what you visualize and the real world. By envisioning that conversation, you persuade your brain that you can perform at the highest level. That makes it more likely that everything will work out well. Athletes have employed this method for years. Try it. You can do it. Deliver your message clearly and concisely.

7. Make an authentic connection

Show real empathy and compassion when you speak boldly.  Be other-oriented; this means that you are connecting to the other person and trying to understand their situation or side of the problem sincerely.  Showing genuine warmth and understanding for the other person makes communication more genuine and less confrontational, so that everyone gets along. 

8. Be honest and tell the truth

Honest and open dialogue that is truthful and conversational is the best way to deal with those issues that are more delicate.  No lying or exaggerating the issue at hand with overly emotional tones.  Everyone wants honest communication, but being angry or overly sensitive is not helpful in any form of interaction. 

9. Words have power

Choose your words so others understand them, not to impress them.  Use straightforward, unpretentious language so people can understand the message you are trying to convey.  You are responsible to the listener to be sure that they understand your words. Ask them to repeat back to you what they understood you to say as a check that both parties communicated clearly. 

10. Be specific to speak boldly

Don’t over-generalize when you are speaking.  If there is a specific problem, only focus on that issue. You need to be factual and less opinionated when you are discussing issues with others.  Once the facts and details of the matter are clearly understood, then options can be planned. This is when your opinion can be introduced.

We speak boldly about what we believe deeply. ~ Craig Groeschel

Moving Forward Boldly Speaking

It’s bold to show up in all areas of your life as your authentic self, including how you speak to others. And being your authentic self makes the ego think you are vulnerable and someone may take advantage of you. It may be true, but there are ways to mitigate the chance you are taking.

See, you were born vulnerable. But as you grew up, you were told that vulnerability was a weakness. Or you were hurt and put-up defenses, so you’re timid in how you communicate with others.  You soften your opinions and say things to appease others so you don’t have to deal with someone’s emotions.  But now it’s time to become vulnerable by speaking boldly your truth, your feelings, and your needs. When you speak boldly as an act of self-care and self-love, you reframe your thinking about the fears the ego uses to keep you quiet and frustrated.

You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, and take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in. ~ Mandy Hale

Do you need help learning to overcome your fears and live a bold life? Are you looking for support to empower yourself to speak your truth? Do you want a strategy to help you create an extraordinary life? Consider using my coaching services by contacting me at TerriKozlowski.com. Together, we can create an action plan for you to live fearlessly by speaking boldly.

To hear about how I learned to speak my truth, you can do so by reading my book, Raven Transcending Fear, available on Amazon, or by visiting RavenTranscendingFear.com.

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Summary

Article Name

To Overcome Fear You Need to Speak Boldly But With Kindness

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Are you timid when you speak? Do you soften your words so you don't upset anyone? Learning to speak boldly lets you live life fearlessly.

Author

Terri Kozlowski

Publisher Name

Kozmic Soul Solutions LLC

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