We all know on a surface level that words can be cruel because they have power.  We’ve all been hurt by what someone has said to us.  We know that words have staying power because we all carry wounds from our youth were someone said something to us, or called us a name, and it still makes us twinge now that we think about it.  So, if we know this, why are we still so careless with our words?  Why do we more easily spew negativity instead of using the power of words to build ourselves, and those around us, up and be a positive influence? 

Negativity more easily comes from our ego-mind then something encouraging.  Remember, the ego instills fear, not reassurance.  The egoic mind is our worse critic.  The things we say to ourselves are far worse than we would ever actually speak to another.  Why do we do this?  I find it amazing that the worst suffering I endured all occurred within my own mind, by the negative words I spoke to myself.  So, to alter this paradigm we need to understand how we use words and change our mindset to use them in a positive way.

There is something about words. In expert hands, manipulated deftly, they take you, prisoner. Wind themselves around your limbs like spider silk, and when you are so enthralled you cannot move, they pierce your skin, enter your blood, numb your thoughts. Inside you, they work their magic.  ~ Diane Setterfield

Words as weapons

We have all been guilty of using our words as weapons against another.  It begins with our siblings and grows from there as the ego finds ways to hurt others who have wounded us.  Most of these wounds by others are about their bruised egos than it is about us, but our own egos won’t let it go.  So, we spew back more insults and demeaning phrases in order for our egos to feel better.  This helps nothing except for more negativity to be perpetuated. 

As we get older this process gets more intense as we believe that we have more at stake during negotiations or other communications.  We use more sophisticated and politically correct terminology then we did when we were young, but the same negative connotations remain.  By tearing down another the ego falsely inflates itself.  But we all know that the opposite is true, name-calling or labeling others, belittles the one doing the labeling.  It shows the small-mindedness and the innate fear of the name caller. 

It doesn’t matter if you and everyone else in the room are thinking it. You don’t say the words. Words are weapons. They blast big bloody holes in the world. And words are bricks. Say something out loud and it starts turning solid. Say it loud enough and it becomes a wall you can’t get through.  ~Richard Kadrey

The Power of Self-talk

As one can see, words as weapons can do great damage.  But who do we do the most destruction too?  Ourselves, with the negative self-talk.  We are our own worst critic but even more so, is that we can be relentless in the amount of badgering we do to ourselves.  Here again, the ego is instilling fear by being the loudest voice in our heads.  If, however, we get quiet, we may hear another influence.

This is the utterance of our soul, our heart voice.  This whisper is always present and speaking to us, but we normally don’t hear it over the screams of the egos.  We must get silent and calm in order for us to hear these powerfully positive and truth statements from our souls.  This is where our self-talk needs to stem from, this accurate reality from deep within our own selves. 

This is the part of each of us that says we can do it; we just need to work a little more.  Our heart believes in our innate abilities.  The soul knows the true answers to all the questions the mind asks.  But, we have to get quiet to actually hear it speaking to us.  For it to be the voice we hear encouraging us to move forward past the obstacle in our way because we are empowered to overcome. 

We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think.  Thoughts live; they travel far.  ~Swami Vivekananda

The Power of Gossip

Another way words are used negatively is through gossip.  It’s one of Dr. Phil McGraw’s nefarious 15 from his book, Life Code; New Rules for the Real World.  This tactic is a tool of the ego used to build ourselves up and tear others down, yet we do it and think its normal behavior.  Just because others are doing it doesn’t mean it’s a social norm, constructive, or that it’s acceptable.  This behavior is more a reflection of the person doing the gossiping then it is on who they are trying to diminish. 

We need to remind ourselves that we are not privy to all the information about a situation that may be the subject of the gossip session.  Therefore, we have no business judging or passing additional rumor materials around others.  Unless of course, we don’t mind others talking about us in return.  Remember, people who gossip to you, gossip about you to others.  We don’t like being talked about, so don’t be unkind to others and talk about them when they aren’t present.  By not gossiping about others we release the negativity that we spread and choose to be kind to those you are not present. 

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. ~ Will Rogers

Words are Seeds

Over time the words said to you can either grow into something wonderful because of the encouragement you received or kept you stagnant because of the discouragement you heard.  Words are the seeds that get planted in us when we are children and they continue to get planted thought out our lives by those we come in contact with.  These people don’t have to love ones or friends, complete strangers can plant seeds with their words. 

This is how powerful words can be.  A complete stranger praises your work, makes a suggestion, and you decided to pursue a new endeavor.  An instructor criticizes your art and you don’t pick up a paintbrush for over twenty years.  The sad thing is that we allow others that much power over our lives simply by the words they say.  Therefore, your words have just as much power.  Plant positive seeds of encouragement and pull the negative weeds you planted by apologizing for anything harsh you may have said.  This is how we authentically communicate with others. 

Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.  ~Napoleon Hill

Be impeccable with your words

In Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements, the first agreement is to be impeccable with your words.  This means that before we speak, we choose our words carefully as they have the power to create or destroy.  Of course, the goal is to be creative, encourage others, and speak love to all you come in contact with, and we can if we are aware and conscious.  

Taking a moment to think about how we want to say something in a positive way does more benefit for the listener than just blurting out what first comes to our head.  Then reconfirming what we thought we heard someone speak to us shows them not only were we listening but that we understood what they said.  These are simple tools that can be used for us to choose our words carefully and lovingly so that they have a positive impact on our listeners. 

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. ~ Miguel Ruiz

Moving Forward

As we have seen, there is power in the words spoken to us and those we speak to others.  Choose to make a conscious decision to use them in a positive way when we speak to others.  Make the decision to declare love rather than hate.  Let’s elect to communicate with compassion instead of unkindness.  Moving forward remember that your words are powerful and resolve to use them for growth and liberation. 

When you don’t cover up the world with words and labels, a sense of the miraculous returns to your life that was lost a long time ago when humanity, instead of using thought, became possessed by thought.  ~ Eckhart Tolle

 As you realize the power of your words and become conscious about your mindset, you can alter the course of your life.  If you would like to receive more enlightening articles right into your email fill this out now.

Do you need help becoming aware of your own mindset?  Do you need support in changing your self-talk to be kinder to yourself?  Are you in need of more time management skills? If so please contact me and we can put together an action plan for you to be authentically you and for you to know that you are enough.

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