People ruminate on the past, who’s wronged them, and the things that are absent from their lives. People imagine past events as though they are still happening now. They use who they were in the past to define their future.

The issue with defining oneself in the present from your past is that it keeps you bound to the past. This self-imposed limitation asserts that everything about your past determines how you will behave in the future. Your future hasn’t been written yet. The decisions you make will continue to shape who you can be.

When you are a child of an alcoholic, you learn from a very young age the signs to look for so you aren’t in the line of fire when the next violent episode occurs. And the feared incident always happens.  Consequently, you become conditioned to react to these indications. 

As an adult, you see evidence that because bad things have happened in the past doesn’t mean more bad things will happen.  Not every slurred speech or stumbling from another person will cause harm.  Therefore, you can determine that the past doesn’t have to repeat itself. 

Although this may take time to realize, it doesn’t have to. You’re shaped by your past. The good news is, you aren’t bound to it. You can move beyond the difficulties of the past and into something far better.  The main reason you don’t have to repeat the past is because you can learn from it.   

While we cannot predict the future, we will most surely live it. Every action and decision we take – or don’t – ripples into the future. ~ Jacque Fresco

Your Mindset Determines Your Future

You often have feelings and attachments to the past. The past can be hard to let go of, and it affects you emotionally.  Yet you have a choice to make, an option to choose a different outlook, a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset. 

The fixed mindset is the idea that you believe your attributes and abilities are inherently fixed and can’t be changed. For example, you may think that you’re as smart as you’ll ever be and therefore, that thought process causes you not to even try to learn new things.  Since you don’t believe your intelligence can grow with time and experience, then you can’t change, and your future will be the same. 

A growth mindset is the exact opposite.  This mindset is founded on the conviction that your basic abilities can be cultivated and are malleable.  This allows one to grow with enthusiasm, time, and a commitment to improving, learning, and becoming greater than before.  With a growth mindset, failures are short-term setbacks, and the process is usually more important than the outcome.  So, with a growth mindset, your future is never predetermined. It’s boundless. 

The fixed mindset is the most common mindset and the most harmful.  So, you need to know which mindset you favor so you can learn from the past and then choose a different future.  You can change your mindset just by thinking it through.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power. ~ Mary Pickford

Reframing Your Past To Better Serve You

            Your world is the one you make through your decisions. So is the one you remember from your past. Change the significance of the experiences if what you remember is difficult or negative. Examine the experiences that are preventing you from moving forward and try to see them from a more positive perspective. Reframe your rejection, to believe it was a sign from the Universe directing you to a better place. If you have ever failed at something, consider it a lesson in building resilience for a better future.

              Accepting your history serves as a springboard and a means of getting ready for the future once you can no longer imagine a better ending for it. The way you identify who you have been and how you envision who you will be next, combine to form who you are today. Take care of the narratives you accept and write about yourself. Take deliberate steps to embrace the lessons learned from the past and the opportunities that lie ahead.

            These are the components of who you are right now. The gifts that make up your current existence have been your experiences. A clear vision for your life is essential, as you attract what you focus on. Your destiny is entirely within your control. Even if you can’t control everything in life, you can still do great things if you accept responsibility, grow from your mistakes, and have a clear vision.

            There are times in our lives when we have to realize our past is precisely what it is, and we cannot change it. But we can change the story we tell ourselves about it, and by doing that, we can change the future. ~ Eleanor Brown

Everybody Changes; So The Future Will Differ From The Past

As an adult, you have experienced enough of life to see that one constant is change.  You grow, circumstances transform, people develop.  All of this is observable. Therefore, if everybody changes, then the past can’t indicate the future. 

Even those around you that don’t seem to have the desire to grow still change.  They are based on the circumstances that occur in their life and by the choices they make.  Not making a choice is still choosing, which impacts one’s life that doesn’t allow things to stay the same. Thus, despite a lack of growth, the future will differ from the past. 

As you develop, how you perceive the past is altered and reframed.  You learn from the past and determine ways to prevent unwanted situations.  You make informed decisions and take responsibility for your choices, so that you can move forward toward the goals and dreams.  Thus, validating that you are creating a better future than your past.

My aha moment came when I realized my past was holding me back because I allowed it to.  I embraced both the idea that I had total autonomy to decide in the present and the reality that I couldn’t change the past, only reframe it. Then I choose to forgive anyone who had wronged me, as well as myself for my previous missteps. And you can make the same choice.

People underestimate their capacity for change. There is never a right time to do a difficult thing. ~John Porter

Making Your Future Better than Your Past

As you have seen, in order to improve your future than your past, believe that it’s possible.  This may take a bit of courage to overcome your fears and move towards a growth mindset.  Here are some ways to help you with this process.

1.   Find Your Tribe To Create The Future You Desire

You may have to cut ties with those people in your life that keep you fixated on negativity.  The girlfriend who’s always teasing you about the mistake you made years ago has no bearing on the present, except that it keeps your ego in a place of embarrassment every time she mentions it. The people who remind you of your failings or missteps are focusing on the negativity of the past.  You may need to spend less time with these people.

Instead, focus on those people who are encouraging, the ones who are excited for you to try new ventures or take a class.  This is your tribe, the ones who look at your best attributes and speak positively to you.  They remind you of the successes you’ve had, to inspire you to keep moving forward.  Make new friends in the areas that you are growing.  It’s helpful to have someone learning with you to discuss and problem solve together. 

Releasing those people from your life that have a negative influence on you is an important step to safeguarding that your future doesn’t resemble your past.  By ensuring that you have people who are positive and encouraging around, you help yourself enlarge the possibilities of a better and boundless future.

When we think we have been hurt by someone in the past, we build up defenses to protect ourselves from being hurt in the future. So the fearful past causes a fearful future and the past and future become one. ~ Gerald G. Jampolsky

2.   Let Go Of The Past And Its Attachments

Fear of loss is a common concern, like the anxiety of losing your job and the grief of losing a friend.  The harsh reality is that you will lose things and loved ones.  It’s the natural course of life. Nonetheless, being anxious about the future or worried about the past does nothing but keep you from being fully present and working towards your goals. 

The fear of loss can cause many to stay in a mode of indecision and procrastination throughout the course of their lives. People grow attached to the stuff in their lives. Things like their profession, their prominence, their income, their lifestyle, etc. To pursue a change would mean relinquishing some or these things that are now associated as part of your life. Because of this aversion to loss, many people choose to put their dreams on hold — continuously.

By becoming less attached to the things in your life, you overcome the fear of loss.  This enables you to move forward towards your goals and build a better future for yourself.

Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is. Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose. ~ Yoda

3.   Accepting What Is Stops The Struggling

By learning to be thankful for your current situation, one changes the focus from lack to having enough. This is important from a universal perspective.  Acceptance for what is allows peace to enter your life instead of feeling you are fighting just to get by. 

Part of acceptance is gratitude for everything you have, which includes any hardships, as they’re there for you to learn something.  The fastest way through adversity is to ask the Universe what lesson are you to glean from the experience.  Then, you have to get quiet and discern how this situation can teach you something about yourself or how you relate to the world around you. 

One of the best ways to help you see all the good in your life is a gratitude journal.  It’s easy to write a few items each evening that happened during your day, which you are grateful for.  They can be things like the beautiful sunrise you witnessed while driving into work or your child passed their math test even though he struggled with the homework.  You have things in your life to appreciate, and this is where you need to focus your attention in order to shape the vision you have for your future. 

Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it. ~ Michael J. Fox

4.   Small Steps Towards A Better Future

Growth and development don’t happen overnight.  It takes time.  And you want things to happen quickly as you are impatient with yourself.  But you need to be kind, give a little self-care and self-love.  Pay attention to the incremental steps you take as you grow. 

It took me over two years before I could meditate daily.  I wanted to, but I had to overcome obstacles within myself in order to accomplish this goal.  First, I set the intention to meditate daily, but I had focus issues.  So, I had to work on being able to quiet my mind so that I could focus.  Once I accomplished that step, I added meditation to my calendar, because if it’s on my calendar, I do it.  This entire process could be frustrating, but I focused on each incremental step, not the end result.  Now, I wouldn’t begin my day without first meditating.  

So, whatever you are trying to accomplish, set up steps along the path so you can have minor victories along the way.  This ensures you will continue to move forward even if you run into a time of struggle.  Being able to see that you overcame previous difficulties encourages you to continue until you accomplish the goal. 

You need to be content with small steps. That’s all life is. Small steps that you take every day, so when you look back down the road, it all adds up and you know you covered some distance. ~  Katie Kacvinsky

Remember, You Are Wiser Now

It’s unnecessary for you to continue suffering just because you were taken advantage of or mistreated by others, often by those closest to you. You have the power to decide to quit mentally reliving the past. Actually, more anguish is frequently caused by your mind continuously playing back an awful experience from the past than by the actual incident.

You are no longer required to assume the victim’s role. You’re a survivor. And you can determine how you interpret negative experiences from your past. It’s the key to your freedom.

Unlike what some people think, you can be remorseful without always punishing yourself for past transgressions. Make the adjustments and move on. I can attest to the liberating nature of forgiveness, having extended forgiveness to my abusive mother. You don’t choose to be forgiving of others in order to excuse or justify their actions. You choose to be free through forgiveness.

It’s also important for you to accept responsibility for your own missteps. Since nobody is perfect. You don’t have to serve a life sentence that you put on yourself in order to make up for the wrongs you did or the poor decisions you made. Treat yourself with self-compassion.

You can choose to see your past as quicksand or a launching pad. It’s up to you to make use of your experiences as a tool or allow them to be used against you.

Close the door on the past. Don’t try to forget the mistakes, but don’t dwell on them. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space. ~ Johnny Cash

Moving Forward Believing In A Better Future

You have the freedom to decide how much control you wish to have over your present life, regardless of what has happened in the past. Although it’s impossible to undo the past, you can reframe it and decide how to respond to it.

Belief is paramount to being able to do anything.  Confidence in your abilities, conviction in your resolve to constantly move forward, and faith that all your work will make your dreams a reality.  Maintaining this belief is important, which is why you need to take pride in the victories along the way. 

Every disappointment that you overcame, each circumstance you seized, and the individuals that arrived along the way that you recognized were there to help you.  All the success along the way helps you maintain the belief that the future is going to be better than your past, because you are creating it every day.  

No matter how awful it was, your past does not indicate your future. The decisions and deeds you commit to today will ultimately shape who you become in the future. Decide to take what you’ve learned from the past and use it in the present to live the life that was meant for you.

Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay. ~ Simone de Beauvoir

As you determine to create your own future and become conscious about your mindset, you can alter the course of your life. Do you need help to become aware of your own mindset?  Are you looking for support in overcoming your past?  Do you want a strategy to help you create a marvelous life?  If so, please contact me at TerriKozlowski.com and we can put together an action plan for you to be authentically you and for you to know that you are enough.

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Why It's Important To Understand Your Past Isn't An Indication Of Your Future

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Concerned about your future and growth? Do you think your past is an indication of it? It's not the case, here is why your future can be all you desire.

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Terri Kozlowski

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Kozmic Soul Solutions LLC

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