Why Does Your Messiness Prevent You From Living An Authentic Life?

October 3, 2023

Real life is chaotic. And no matter how hard you work to live a perfect life, there will always be good days and bad days. No matter how much of a perfectionist you are, you cannot escape the messiness of life. It’s time to embrace, accept, and come to enjoy the complete mess that can be your life.

Give up the impulse to be in charge and learn when to let go of the unrealistic ambitions that are causing you to feel this way. Instead, consider that the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to embrace the complexity of life.

Before the ego’s quest for perfection took control of you and began to lead your life, who were you? Your need for perfection is not all there is to you. You’re worthy just the way you are. All that is lacking from your existence is a dose of reality. To be exceptional, you don’t have to be flawless, just authentic.

With everything you’ve accomplished and endured, give yourself a break. You put in a lot of effort to care for your family and have a clean home. So what if it occasionally gets messy? That proves you are still alive. Love every flaw that makes you unique and fully accept every aspect of who you are. It’s messy to be someone you’re not. Be your true, unapologetic self and remember to take pleasure in the little things.

Rarely are opportunities presented to you in a perfect way. In a nice little box with a yellow bow on top. ‘Here, open it, it’s perfect. You’ll love it.’ Opportunities — the good ones — are messy, confusing and hard to recognize. They’re risky. They challenge you. ~ Susan Wojcicki

Your Messiness Makes You Authentically You

Your defects and weaknesses make you authentic. Don’t focus on your shortcomings. Never assume that others just see those things. In actuality, the traits you dislike about yourself are probably what people are drawn to. You are so unique because of your many freckles, boisterous personality, tell-it-like-it-is demeanor, and total openness.

You could believe that these perceived weaknesses lessen your awesomeness, yet the contrary is true. These characteristics set you apart from the competition. Someone loves every single thing about you; even the things you wish you could change. The understatement of the century is that we are our own harshest critics.

Put yourself in your closest friend’s shoes whenever you begin to feel inadequate or like your life is going in a different direction from where you want it to. If they were present, what would they tell you? And be truthful with yourself. You know they would tell you that you are much more than you realize.

They’d convince you that people genuinely find your quirks to be cute and endearing. You wouldn’t be allowed to be so harsh on yourself. They’d be accurate, too. Everything in yourself that you wish to change is precisely what makes you so special. Why on earth would you want to resemble someone else? It’s preferable to stand out by being distinctive than to blend in and follow the crowd. You’re simply too great for that, despite your messiness.

People are messy; therefore, relationships will be messy. Don`t be surprised by messiness. ~ Timothy Keller

Perfection Is A Lie Of The Ego

Consider this. Where can you go next once you’ve achieved perfection? Everything that comes after will be a huge letdown since there is no room for you to develop, grow, and accomplish more than you could have ever imagined in that ideal bubble. There are no longer any options. Is it really that alluring when you give it some serious thought?

Making errors and accepting that life is messy provide you with ongoing opportunities to grow and become a better version of yourself. It’s what gives you a sense of purpose, molds you, and eventually defines who you are. Being flawed entails constantly aiming higher while avoiding being fixated on something as illusory as perfection.

Create an environment where you can be who you authentically are without unreasonable expectations, restrictions, or restraints. Try to glimpse the beauty hidden in all the messiness that lies ahead. That you will make errors and that life won’t always be easy is okay.

You’ll recognize the beauty that surrounds you if you approach life with the proper, realistic perspective. Your messy living room is a sign that people are living there joyfully and freely. You’ll probably push yourself to find a fulfilling career because you’re not sure if you want to keep your current one.

These factors open up countless alternatives. It all depends on the perspective you adopt. You only have one chance to live a messy life, so embrace it.

Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational. ~ Hugh Mackay

Why You Need To Embrace Life’s Messiness

Accepting the messiness of life means you have control over your happiness. It all comes down to taking care of yourself and ensuring that your life is being lived by your expectations. Since it is none of their business, you are under no obligation to let anyone dictate how you should live.

Don’t let anyone, including your ego, make you feel inadequate. No one should make you feel unworthy because you still don’t have everything worked out. Your life is yours, and you set the pace. Some people know who they are and what they want when they are 20 years old, while for others it takes much longer. Life is a marathon. Give it some time. Just because things are a little disorganized right now doesn’t imply they will remain so forever!

The only person who understands what makes your heart sing is you. Who cares if you aren’t there yet? You’ll eventually be just as content as you wish you were right now, if not more so. Maybe you’re having a hard time right now. Perhaps you’ve deviated from the course you intended to follow. Don’t stress over it. Everyone experiences times of being lost and unsure of what to do with their lives. The world will not end.

It’s a form of human love to accept our complicated, messy humanity and not run away from it. ~ Martha Nussbaum

Strategies To Overcome A Messy Life

Here are some tactics you can utilize to help embrace the chaos and move forward.

1. Quit Repressing Your Feelings

Anxiety often increases when life becomes more complicated. Your instinct is to suppress the emotion, but suppressing only burying the tension. It will hum in the distance as you attempt to advance. When you face your anxiety head-on, you’re more prepared to make lasting change. Discussing your sentiments with a trusted tribe or life coach, like myself, might help you distinguish between thoughts that have substance and negative self-talk. As you go through this procedure, imagine your dread as a wave that is moving through you. These crests and troughs don’t define you.

2. Create A List Of Tasks

Having so many unfinished things in front of you can feel intimidating, but attempting to solve them while they are simply swimming around in your head is even harder. Make a list of your tasks for the coming week if the thought of planning for the month fills you with dread. If it scares you, establish a list of things to do tomorrow. Those intimidatingly large ambitions become manageable when broken down into smaller tasks. Rather than writing “find a job,” change it to “Look at job websites for one hour.” As you finish each smaller task, be joyful about it.

3. Remove One Item From Your Plate

Does it seem too much when you look at that to-do list? You don’t have to complete every assignment yourself. To avoid burdening your loved ones, you frequently try to handle things on your own. Reach out to a buddy and go over your to-do list if you feel overwhelmed. If you haven’t already, discuss your concerns with your trusted tribe and let them handle one thing off your plate. It doesn’t mean you failed because you didn’t do it yourself. You have the guts to ask for help to deal with your messiness.

4. Make Your Schedule Work For You

Some people require structure. They can preserve their feeling of order and experience less worry when they follow a steady and well-planned regimen. It’s okay if you’ve never been excellent at following a schedule. Try not to force yourself to be anything but your authentic self. Create a simple, effective strategy that works for you. For instance, commit that you will complete one activity today and you will completely focus on it until you complete it.

5. Let The Shame Of The Messiness Go

Disaster strikes everyone at some point. It’s possible that the situation is beyond your control or that you made a few mistakes. Even if it didn’t work out, keep in mind that you did the best you could under the circumstances. Every misstep teaches a lesson, and you might pick up a lot of them right now. However, tools and insight also come with lessons. Since you now have more resources than ever before, you are better equipped than ever to put your life back on track. Even when it seems like everything has failed, you are still reading this article. Remember that you’re amazing for overcoming all you’ve already gone through and you will do it again.

I am flawed, scarred and a beautiful mess. ~ Lisa C. Miller

6. Put Your Passions First

When life is stressful, surround yourself with the soothing activities you enjoy. Find little methods to follow your passions every day. These activities provide you with a sense of security in your identity and a connection to your capacity for loving others and development.

Join a yoga club, take pictures of your favorite things in your home, cook the food that made you feel better as a child, or take a daily five-minute stroll. It helps to cultivate the mentality you need to get your life back on track to honor yourself in some tiny way each day.

7. Take A Deep Breath

Nothing is more terrifying than watching your world fall apart. However, that sensation is simply what you are sensing. When you feel like your life is falling apart, try to keep your attention on the present moment rather than on your to-do list, angry friends, your lost job, or anything else. Concentrate on your breathing or the beat of your heart. Sit quietly. What sounds do you hear? The tips of your fingers and toes should be able to feel your breath as it flows through you. Be present. You are breathing, not decaying. The world isn’t finished; rather, chances are about to come your way.

8. Be Of Service To Others

When you feel life is messy, why would you serve another? Dealing with someone else’s troubles is always simpler because you have a new, unbiased viewpoint on the challenges they find overwhelming. Just as your issues seem massive to you, a modest task may seem enormous to them. Being there for someone else also helps you feel valuable and shows your ability to face challenges head-on and prevail over them. You become more equipped to deal with your challenging issues, and the person you assisted could repay the favor.

9. Think Like A Phoenix

Ashes give rise to new growth. Indigenous civilizations all around the world have employed controlled ritual burnings of the land they maintain for thousands of years. Burning that is controlled and precise supports entire ecosystems and allows for recent expansion. Fire is a rebirth, much like a phoenix emerging from the ashes, rather than a catastrophe. Even the word “apocalypse” itself has an origin that refers to the discovery or revealing of the truth. Your messy world might collapse to disclose a crucial fact that will enable you to see clearly and forge a fresh path for yourself. Don’t be afraid; get ready for a better future to emerge from the ruins.

10. Be Kind To Yourself Despite the Messiness

Self-pity is strongly associated with negativity, since it is frequently seen as supporting self-indulgence or laziness. The term “pity” comes from the Middle English word “pite,” which means sympathy and benevolence. Pite, as used in Old French, was a synonym for tenderness and caring. Think of self-pite instead of self-indulgent self-pity. Instead of being critical of yourself, be kind to yourself. Instead of assuming you aren’t deserving or capable, take care of yourself and your needs and your messiness will fade away.

God’s grace meets us in messy places because messy places are all that there are. ~ Tullian Tchividjian

11. Recognize The Messy Life

Hey, the situation isn’t good right now. Own it! Everyone is trying to conceal some sort of chaos. If you’re honest about where you are, it might startle you to learn that you’re not alone. Reject shame and support those around you. Encourage one another. The greater the burden you carry and the more difficult it will be to climb back up again, the more shame you are placing on yourself. You will lift a tremendous burden off of your shoulders once you acknowledge the mess and claim your truth. Being able to acknowledge that unexpected events truly provide you with limitless insight is the first step toward true acceptance. Every single issue that gave you pause or caused you discomfort also helps you to realize a great deal.

12. Reject Toxic Optimism

You may have heard someone advise you, “Just think positively; everything will work out!” if you have ever gone through a painful, challenging, or life-altering incident that has left you disturbed. Although they may have the best of intentions, and there is power in thinking positively, this approach may feel condescending and devalue your suffering. A generalized condition of optimism known as toxic positivity has the potential to minimize, deny, or invalidate a real emotional experience. Instead, concentrate on positive thinking that makes room for the real suffering, loss, or depression you may be experiencing. Try to avoid generalizing happiness.

13. Find Your Tribe

Reach out to a neighborhood support group or loved one, regardless of whether your largest issue is financial, emotional, or physical. There are many helpful organizations that combine donations to give financial help, community care, housing, and food. Even if you’re unsure of how you need support, don’t be hesitant to ask. Contact your neighborhood support groups if you need assistance with addiction, loss, despair, or anxiety. You’re not here to fight battles by yourself.

14. Things That Get You Excited

Try to list 15 things that are exciting to you right now or that you are looking forward to. You can make these as big or as small as you like. For example, “I’m looking forward to Stephanie’s birthday party.” Let’s try this. “I’m excited to walk around Target and buy nothing,” or “I’m excited for my cup of coffee tomorrow morning.” Even a simpler statement like, “I’m thrilled to see my dog run to me.” Whatever level of messiness you may experience in your life, there are always little things to be happy about.

15. Reframe Your Assumptions

Why do you feel like everything is crashing down around you? Asking a different inquiry will refute that notion. Rather than pondering “Why is my life a mess?” Try to provide a solution to the query, What parts are holding together? What in my life is working? Your issue areas will start to feel smaller as you pinpoint the aspects of your life that are functioning well. When your perception shifts, your reality does too.

The fullness of life is incubated in its messy places. ~ Amy Dickinson

Moving Forward With Less Messiness

People are messy, thus life is messy. There is simply no getting around that. And when you have great expectations, the messiness of humans may lead to all kinds of anguish. Yes, it’s fantastic when all of your friends and family keep their word, put in a lot of effort, arrive on time, communicate well, act responsibly, and act like grownups. However, life inevitably interferes, and individuals don’t always “show up” as you’d like them to.

Give up attempting to define perfect in an imperfect world. Allow others to be themselves. Be truthful about the consequences when they don’t deliver, but yet show sympathy.

Making plans for your future can make the pressure and stress you now experience worse. It’s difficult to know where to start with the cleanup when you’re already feeling sorry for yourself. Just get started with one of the aforementioned tactics. Pick one at random or one that appears to resonate with you. Taking action provides you with a sense of accomplishment and helps you feel more in control.

Life is indeed messy. Yes, that is how it is. You would get bored if there were no challenges to solve, since humans are uniquely capable of this. So, alter your perspective and approach interpersonal interactions with inquiry, compassion, and a dash of humor. Accepting the complexity of life is ultimately incredibly liberating! You’ll be happy when you do so.

Open your arms to life! Let it strut into your heart in all its messy glory! ~ Deborah Wiles

Do you need help to accept the chaos that is life? Are you looking for a way to lessen the messiness of life? Do you need someone to help reframe your perspective? If so, please reach out to me at TerriKozlowski.com and we can create a plan for you to accept what is and live authentically messy.

If you want to see how I dealt with my messy life you can do so by reading my book, Raven Transcending Fear available on Amazon.

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