Whether you’re stuck in traffic, dealing with a challenging coworker, or fighting with a loved one, you have experienced times when your emotions got the better of you. The reason for this is you weren’t aware of what was occurring until you were too far along the emotional train to stop it. Because of this lack of emotional control, you often say things you come to regret. And if you can’t control your emotions, you won’t be able to recognize, deal with them ‌or master your response until it’s too late.

Human emotion is your greatest gift. It includes love, hate, anger, joy, and despair. Emotions make life meaningful. However, the secret to realizing your dreams is to learn how to control your emotions so that you can use them rather than let them control you.

Emotions are multifaceted states that cause both psychological and physical changes, which ‌ affect your mood and behavior. A specific event or object can trigger an emotion, which results in a physical reaction in the body. For example, happiness and sadness can both make you cry, while fear makes your heart race and rage makes you feel hot. Then, in response to the feeling, you alter your conduct. You might run away, scream, or hug someone. The conduct stage is when emotional control becomes important. Knowing how to regulate your emotions allows you to stop them so you can master your response.

I am the master of my mind. I dwell on positive thoughts. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

What Is Emotional Mastery?

An experiment by Schachter-Singer popularized the idea of emotional mastery in the 1960s. They administered participants with a dose of a placebo, while colleagues observed them filling out a series of surveys. Participants felt angry when their coworkers answered harshly to the questionnaires. However, the individuals also felt glad when their coworkers cheerfully responded. The study’s findings suggested a link between peer pressure and the subjective experience of emotion.

The psychiatrist, Allen Beck, showed that thoughts, peer pressure, and environment shape emotions, supporting the premise that emotions are influenced by both inner and outward factors. Beck’s studies laid the groundwork for contemporary cognitive-behavioral therapy, which has become the accepted definition of emotional mastery.

In contrast to objective experience, which is the facts of what actually happened, feelings and emotional control play a part in your subjective experience of the world, or the way you interpret the things that happen. Because of this, psychologists know the answer to the question, “What is an emotion?” involves the capacity to affect your thoughts and behaviors.

You’re powerless to alter your objective experience. Every day, events take place that are out of your control. But you may alter your subjective perception or the significance you give to such events. That is emotional mastery, and it has a significant impact on your social interactions, sense of self-worth, ability to communicate, and overall sense of contentment in life.

The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you. ~ Tony Robbins

Emotions Are In Every Part Of Life

The six fundamental emotions—happiness, sadness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust—are the same across all cultures. Although there are cultural variances over what makes up a proper display of emotion, these sensations are universal.

You can develop pleasant feelings by concentrating on them since emotions result from your experiences and how you interpret those events. Ten power emotions help develop emotional mastery by establishing a foundation of good impact. You create the conditions for feeling good about yourself when you include even modest amounts of gratitude, passion, love, hunger, curiosity, confidence, flexibility, cheerfulness, vigor, and a sense of contribution.

You can nurture your authentic connections when you can express feelings that are appropriate for the circumstance. The opposite happens when you don’t know how to regulate your emotions: You could lose control over minor irritations or react with rage when sadness is a more fitting feeling. Your emotional state affects your surroundings, which either improves or harms your relationships.

If we do not master ourselves, we will be a slave to ourselves. ~ Chris Matakas

Unproductive Ways For Mastering Your Response

Keeping the Emotion Away: Don’t you enjoy acting as though you have the power to numb your feelings? You bury them, suppress them, rationalize them away, and occasionally even turn to substances like alcohol or narcotics to put an end to them. The issue? When you avoid doing anything because of unfavorable feelings, you’re allowing those feelings to rule you.

Pretending the Emotion Is Not There: This coping strategy is a little different. By denying you ever had the unpleasant sensation in the first place, you fall into it. The issue here is that a feeling grows stronger the more you suppress it until it becomes uncontrollable.

Taking on the Feeling: Sometimes a bad feeling is so strong that it takes on a life of its own. You might even begin to take a bit of pride in it‌. You blame yourself for your situation or even brag about how much worse off you are than everyone else. Instead of dealing with how you feel, you are becoming the emotion.

The more aware of your intentions and your experiences you become, the more you will be able to connect the two, and the more you will be able to create the experiences of your life consciously. This is the development of mastery. It is the creation of authentic power. ~ Gary Zukav

The Ten Emotional States

Before delving into an explanation of each of these emotions, it’s critical to realize that these feelings are your conscious brain’s way of alerting you that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. They ‌serve as a call to action that instructs you to take a certain step to relieve your discomfort or pain.

The feelings are all the outcomes of stuck states that you have created for yourself. These stuck-states are systemic reactions to situations, people, and events that have unique physiological reactions, words, phrases, and other characteristics. In essence, they are coping methods you employ when events don’t turn out the way you had hoped or expected which keep you from mastering your responses.

1. Discomfort

An uncomfortable emotion, discomfort frequently results in boredom, anxiety, impatience, or embarrassment. So, the instant you alter or change how you see the circumstance is the moment you take control of your emotional response.

It’s crucial to first identify what you’re doing and then precisely how you’re interpreting your perception of reality if you ever feel uncomfortable. Attempt using a different strategy if what you’re doing is not yielding the desired outcomes. Try to alter your perspective on the circumstance. In either case, you need to come up with a solution that would enable you to extricate yourself from this distressing mental condition.

Master thyself, seek to know thy soul. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

2. Fear

Worry, anxiety, and hesitation are frequent symptoms of fear, which can be a crippling feeling. This emotion is frequently a reaction to what might happen in the future if you choose a certain course of action or make a certain decision. This is fine if it’s something that is founded on concrete facts and intended to keep you safe. These fears, however, are frequently filled with errors that lead to confusion and misinformation. Determining the difference between the “real” and the “imagined” is, therefore, the first step you must always take to get rid of fear.

Of all, fear is a very useful feeling, since it shields you from injury in the unlikely event that you’re escaping from a saber-toothed tiger. Most of the time, it does you harm, since it prevents you from attaining your goals and objectives when you don’t master how to deal with it correctly.

There are actions you must take to better manage your fears. Clarifying what you desire is the first step. The second is to plan out the steps you will take to get the results you want. These two actions are essential since the vast majority of your anxieties stem from ignorance and a lack of planning. If you successfully check off both boxes, you will have the tools you need to conquer just about every fear you might encounter in the modern world.

A step towards what you fear is a mile towards mastering it. ~ Matshona Dhliwayo

3. Hurt

Hurt leaves you feeling helpless and frequently results in feelings of loss and jealousy. Likewise, failing to express your wants to others may leave you feeling used. As a result, you must start today by being explicit about setting personal boundaries and what you need from your relationships.

Consider your expectations if expressing your needs to others doesn’t work. Your expectations may need to be reevaluated since they may be unreasonable, have changed over time, or no longer relate to your current relationship.

Last but not least, unpleasant feelings occasionally arise from a lack of knowledge about your relationships or your situation. It’s helpful to replace your hurt in these situations by taking a chance and inquiring about the circumstances. When you develop curiosity, you naturally start asking better questions, which broadens your thinking and produces solutions and options you might not have previously considered.

Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason, mastery demands all of a person. ~ Albert Einstein

4. Anger

You typically spiral out of control when you’re angry, and resentment is frequently the result. However, if you can comprehend the meaning behind your anger, it might be used to your advantage.

It’s crucial to realize that rage frequently develops when someone else has broken one of your boundaries before you jump to embrace the emotion. Because you no longer feel in control of the situation, other people, or events, you become angry.

By taking some time to review your rules, you can let go of anger in these situations pretty quickly. Perhaps they should not be used in this situation because they are unreasonable, outdated, or both.

Alternatively, anger may result from an erroneous assessment of events or other people’s motives. In such cases, consider whether you might have just misread people’s intentions or misread the scenario. In that case, keep an open mind and fervently seek further interpretations. You can only find the solutions you’re looking for and master your response with an approach that is both flexible and open.

Anger, unchecked, turns free spirits into slaves. ~ J.S. Wolfe

5. Guilt

You often feel slightly deflated after experiencing guilt, and it frequently results in the feeling of regret. And as it continues to rot and grow inside your head, the longer you hold on to that culpability, the worse it gets.

It’s critical to keep in mind that your perception of guilt merely reflects how you interpret what you did or didn’t do and how it affected other people. The moment you decide to adopt a fresh perspective on the experiences and circumstances in your life, shame transforms into something that might inspire and empower you to act constructively.

Recognize that sometimes the effects of your activities aren’t what they first appear to be. Because of this, you might need to review your guidelines for feeling guilty in situations like this. These regulations might need to be reviewed. Finally, when you can find peace with yourself and the individuals you may or may not have hurt, guilt is frequently banished.

The two things that truly belong to ourselves are our thoughts and actions. ~ Siim Land

6. Frustration

One of those feelings that you detest is frustration, since it gives you the impression that you’re both very close to and quite far from the result you desire. Your answers, however, are contained within this sensation.

You’re frustrated because you’re trying, but it doesn’t seem like you’re getting the outcomes you want. Or you have regrets about something. It seems like an unforeseen external force is preventing you from achieving your aim.

The secret is to start thinking outside the box; to consider fresh options, ideas, and potential solutions that might very well assist you solve the difficulty you’re facing. This will help you avoid trying to control the circumstance and instead master how to respond. And sometimes all it takes is looking for fresh data to give you the understanding you need to view the situation from a slightly different angle.

Finally, frustration is frequently brought on by failure to achieve your goals. In these situations, all it takes to get rid of your difficulties is to pivot your strategy; attempt something unusual that you hadn’t thought of before. The qualities you should look for include curiosity, tenacity, and flexibility.

Self-control is a key factor in achieving success. We can’t control everything in life, but we can definitely control ourselves. ~ Jan McKingley Hilado

7. Inadequacy

You may feel unpleasant, undeserving, and incompetent when you’re inadequate. It’s a mood that makes you feel hopeless and at the bottom of the food chain. You feel unworthy because you lack the experience, abilities, and information necessary to meet your high aspirations. To alter this, you may either go out and gain the knowledge, abilities, and experience required to realize the outcomes you want in your life, or you can adjust your expectations of yourself and your capacity.

You can feel inadequate if you are just downplaying your qualities and skills. It’s crucial to seek a second opinion in these situations. So, ask another for their opinion about your circumstances. Request their candid observations. Perhaps they’ll give you some incredibly unexpected viewpoints and insights.

Last but not least, incompetence frequently results from a lack of confidence. When you suffer from low self-esteem, it feels acceptable to feel inadequate. But if you put in the effort to increase your self-assurance, you’ll also grow more confident and start to feel better about your prospects and yourself.

Champions realize that defeat – and learning from it even more than from winning – is part of the path to mastery. ~ Rasheed Ogunlaru

8. Overwhelm

One of those feelings that creep up on you over time is overwhelm, and before you know it, it has control over your life and, occasionally, can give rise to extremely crippling feelings of grief and melancholy. When you have too much on your plate or cannot handle or control certain parts of your life, you experience overwhelm. You feel out of control and unable to react appropriately in such situations.

Taking back control of little portions of your life, one piece at a time is the key to overcoming overwhelm. It entails editing your life and breaking it down into more manageable pieces that you can deal with. It also includes getting rid of any pointless commitments that are holding you down, or at the very least rearranging your schedule so that you have more time to focus on what matters most.

If you know what to do and are determined to take the required steps to reschedule and re-prioritize your life in accordance, overcoming overwhelm is easy. Sometimes all it takes is a little productivity lesson.

Be the ruler of your fears to open future doors; be master of your emotions and the world could be yours. ~ H.C. Roberts

9. Disappointment

Being disappointed is the emotion that results from not getting what you desire and frequently comes from a sense of failure. You are trapped in a mucky pit full of unfulfilled ambitions, aims, and fantasies that never materialized rather than searching for solutions and answers.

You always wish that things could have been different when you’re disappointed. But, no matter how hard you try, you cannot change the past; but you may positively alter how you perceive it. This process is called reframing.

Choose to learn from your experiences so that you can improve yourself in the future rather than wallow in disappointment. Other times, it can even be beneficial to explore chances that may have become accessible because of the disappointment you just went through.

A common cause of disappointment is having excessively lofty ambitions that are difficult to meet. If so, adjust your plan of action into smaller steps to help you achieve your goal.

You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. ~ Marcus Aurelius

10. Loneliness

Sadness and stagnation can result from loneliness, which can be a very paralyzing emotion. Because you view the world through a filter that isolates you from everyone and everything outside of you, you are feeling lonely. Given that there are so many possibilities to interact with others every day, this is not the way to live.

Reconnecting with others, your surroundings, and a greater cause will help you feel more fulfilled and enthusiastic about your life, and will help you overcome loneliness.

Try talking to someone. Take part in a community activity. Spend some time in a fresh setting. Have fun or some amusement with a child or a pet. Be of service by helping someone in need. Your help could make them feel a little less lonely, too.

Finally, because you forget all the things for which you’re grateful, loneliness festers in the heart. Gratitude will assist you in regaining the equilibrium you urgently need. You’ll be inspired to open your heart to others.

Loving yourself keeps you balanced and consciously aware so that you master your mind and keep it away from thoughts of destruction or war of any kind. ~ Premlatha Rajkumar

Steps To Mastering Your Responses

When you first start to feel and experience an emotion fully is when you should deal with it. In this manner, it won’t keep returning repeatedly. These six simple steps will teach you how to control your emotions and take charge of your life.

1. Determine What You Feel

Identifying the emotion you are experiencing is the first step in understanding how to control your responses. This is crucial because it is difficult to respond appropriately if you are unsure of the type of emotion you are feeling. Naming how you feel allows you to determine why you feel as you do. As you get closer to emotional control, consider these questions:

• What exactly am I feeling at the moment?
• Do I really feel this way?
• Is there another underlying cause to what I’m feeling?
• What happened to make me feel this way?

More will be at your disposal as you move through this process and the more clarity you’ll have in this area.

I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them. ~ Oscar Wilde

2. Accept How You Feel

Recognize and appreciate your emotions and know that they are there to support you. Not suppressing or denying your emotions is not the definition of emotional mastery. Learning to control your emotions instead entails valuing and accepting them as an integral part of who you are. Never try to rationalize away your feelings. The notion that anything you feel is wrong is a powerful tool for stifling open dialogue with both oneself and others. They’re all there for a reason. All emotions have something to teach you because they are a natural aspect of being human.

Resistance will just increase uncertainty and hinder you from using this emotion as a tool and a resource as you proceed. For instance, if something suddenly made me feel angry, I would acknowledge to myself that I am feeling angry and that these particular circumstances have prompted my anger rather than battling and attempting to avoid how I feel. You won’t be prepared to proceed to the next step until you can honestly address the emotion.

In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you. ~ Deepak Chopra

3. Examine Your Feelings    

Of course, if you don’t start asking questions, your emotions won’t be able to teach you anything. Why are you feeling this way right now? The feeling itself is interrupted by the questions you are asking, which prevent the emotion from taking over. Better still? You learn something from them about yourself that you might not have known otherwise.

The most crucial action you must take at this point is to develop curiosity. Curiosity will open doors to fresh viewpoints and chances that can provide you with special insights into your feelings and the situation you’re in.

No matter what emotion you are feeling, keep in mind that it is there to help you ‌and teach you important lessons about yourself, your situation, and life‌. As a result, you must seek the information that will enable you to develop the insights needed to get past the emotional obstacle you are currently facing and master your response.

Seek always for the answer within. Be not influenced by those around you, by their thoughts or their words. ~ Eileen Caddy

4. Develop Self-assurance To Manage Emotions

Go through the definitions of each of the 10 essential emotional states and decide what actions you will take to assist you in mastering your emotional experience. Now is the time to get some certainty and make a conscious decision about the emotions you want to feel moving forward. Additionally, this is the moment to get any expertise and help that you might need to better control your response.

It’s helpful to go back to when you managed this feeling well and used it to your advantage in the past to aid. This experience can serve as the cornerstone for a better future in which you actively decide to respond to this feeling constructively and proactively rather than allowing it to control you.

We must master ourselves unless we’d prefer to be mastered by someone or something else. ~ Ryan Holiday

5. Take Bold Action

It’s time to take proactive steps to improve your mental condition now that you have all the knowledge, help, and information necessary to respond in a healthy and beneficial way. What will your next steps be, then? Now is the time to put your ideas into practice. What did you picture changing in the previous step? The time to act is now. After all, plans that aren’t followed through on aren’t very valuable. You’ll discover that you are in control of your emotions, not vice versa, by going through each step of this process. Enjoy the sense of power you have despite how you may feel!

Mastery of impulse is achieved through taking pauses during life’s contrasting situations. Mastery of impulse is about developing strong willpower that can be used to redirect the flow of energy in any situation. Mastery of impulse is about responding to the world with a sense of reason and peace. ~ Alaric Hutchinson

Moving Forward Mastering Your Response

Doors open once you realize negative emotions serve a purpose in your life and are there to teach you about yourself. You start to see many options. Feelings as instructional tools can not control you, but they can profoundly change you. Like when you have outrage over injustice and channel it toward bringing about change in the world.

Every single one of the supposedly bad or constricting feelings you encounter daily can be used to your advantage and give you the direction you need to make better choices throughout the day. Therefore, it’s extremely essential that you take the time to learn how to interpret your emotions ‌which will aid in your search for answers and solutions to move in the right direction.

It’s time to come full circle and remind yourself once more that it’s not what happens to you that matters, but how you respond to the circumstances of your life that make all the difference. No matter how things may seem, you always have complete control over your emotions. As a result, you always have the option to pick a different emotional state and exert conscious control over it. 

You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you. In that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you. ~ Brian Tracy

Do you need help to master your responses? Are you looking for support to help you reframe your thoughts? Do you want a strategy to help you create an extraordinary life? Consider contacting me about my coaching services at TerriKozlowski.com. Together, we can create an action plan for you to advance your life.

To hear about how I learned to master my responses, you can do so by reading my book, Raven Transcending Fear, available on Amazon or by visiting RavenTranscendingFear.com.

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It's Helpful To Learn How To Master Your Response In Life

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It's vital to understand your emotions so you can master how to respond to others in the situations that come up in life.

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Terri Kozlowski

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Kozmis Soul Solutions LLC

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