Loving yourself is incredibly powerful because it forms the foundation for how you interact with the world around you. When you develop self-love, you’re essentially nurturing a healthy relationship with yourself, which then ripples outward, influencing how you treat others and how others perceive you.

In recent years, self-love has become so clichéd that it has, at best, been reduced to a marketing word or gimmick and, at worst, to woo-woo drivel. People who believe self-love is selfish or just another word for self-indulgence are typically the ones who respond negatively. Then, some individuals believe that in order to love yourself, you must be a certain way.

But none of those extreme positions are true. Self-centeredness or selfishness is not implied by self-love. Furthermore, feeling “worthy” of love shouldn’t be equated with liking oneself. A deep love for oneself is something you deserve.

My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am. ~Anais Nin

Love For Oneself: What Is It?

I would be the first to admit that it took me some time to realize that self-love is more than just using it as an excuse for self-indulgence.

When I was younger, I thought excessive soda consumption, overindulging in junk food, and reckless purchasing were all acceptable ways to show one’s love for oneself. I liked to shop, eat junk food, and drink soda, so I thought that doing more of these things must mean I was really enjoying myself. Today’s me knows all of those things were really an effort to avoid facing my childhood trauma, and they eventually did more harm than good.

It took a lot of introspection and mental retraining for me to see self-love as something more than the “indulging myself” mindset.

Self-love to me is embracing and caring for oneself. It’s about being nice, kind, and respectful to yourself because you deserve it. Loving who you are is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. Instead of being a destination, self-love is a constant journey of healing.

Self-love is ultimately about learning to embrace who you are completely, acting kindly to be the greatest version of yourself, and finding your path to happiness and serenity with self-compassion.

The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. ~ C.G. Jung

How Trauma Affects Loving Oneself

Self-love and trauma are deeply intertwined, and it’s important to understand that healing from trauma while fostering self-love can be a delicate process. Trauma, whether from past abuse, neglect, loss, or any other deeply painful experience, can leave lasting emotional wounds that impact how you view yourself and the world. Developing self-love after trauma is not only possible but essential for healing.

Trauma often creates self-blame, guilt, or feelings of worthlessness. It can distort how you see yourself. Developing self-love allows for self-compassion, which means understanding that your pain is valid and that you deserve care, healing, and support. Compassion for yourself helps counteract the negative beliefs trauma may have left behind, like thinking you’re unworthy or broken.

Trauma can leave a sense of distrust, both in others and in you. Learning to love yourself means giving yourself permission to trust again—not just others, but also your ability to cope, to set healthy boundaries, and to make decisions that serve your well-being. Building this trust in yourself is a crucial part of reclaiming your power.

Trauma can create a sense of chaos and unease, and it may feel you’re never fully safe, even within yourself. Self-love helps you create a sense of safety and peace internally. Practices like mindfulness, meditation, or journaling can help you reconnect with your body, your emotions, and your sense of self, which aids in emotional regulation and healing.

How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you. ~ Rupi Kaur

What Makes Self-Love Essential?

Self-love influences virtually every aspect of your life—mentally, emotionally, and even physically. Here are a few key reasons it’s such a foundational part of well-being:

1. Mental Health and Emotional Resilience: When you love yourself, you’re more equipped to handle life’s challenges. You develop better emotional resilience because you’re kinder to yourself when things go wrong. Self-love helps reduce anxiety, depression, and negative self-talk by fostering self-compassion instead of self-criticism.

Mental well-being and physical health are deeply connected. When you prioritize self-love, you’re more likely to take care of your body, get enough rest, eat healthily, and engage in activities that nourish you. It’s not about perfection, but about recognizing the importance of nurturing yourself holistically.

2. Healthy Boundaries: After trauma, it’s hard to establish and maintain boundaries, especially if you’ve been in situations where your boundaries were violated. Self-love empowers you to set boundaries that protect your emotional and physical well-being. You begin to recognize that it’s okay to say no, to prioritize yourself, and to walk away from situations or people that don’t honor your worth.  Loving yourself means you understand your worth and what you deserve in relationships and situations. This helps you set boundaries that protect your time, energy, and mental space, leading to healthier interactions with others. Without self-love, you might tolerate behavior or situations that drain or harm you.

The more you love yourself, the more you’re able to offer love, compassion, and support to others. Healthy self-love leads to healthier relationships because it encourages respect, understanding, and a sense of equality. You’re more likely to attract and maintain relationships that are uplifting and balanced.

3. Self-Worth and Confidence: If you don’t love yourself, it’s easy to fall into self-doubt or seek validation from others. But when you love yourself, you have an internal source of confidence and validation. This helps you pursue your goals, take risks, and live authentically, without relying too heavily on external approval. Traumatic experiences can make you feel powerless, but self-love helps you reconnect with your inner strength. It’s about recognizing that you’ve survived, that you are resilient, and that your ability to heal is a powerful testament to your strength. Embrace this strength as part of your self-love journey.

Self-love gives you the permission to explore, grow, and pursue what brings you joy and purpose. It supports you in taking steps toward your dreams and goals, free from the fear of failure or judgment. Loving yourself means you’re willing to invest in your potential, knowing you deserve success and happiness.

4. Breaking Negative Cycles: Many of us carry patterns from past experiences, like trauma, failure, or unhealed wounds. Self-love helps break these cycles by healing those old scars, forgiving yourself, and moving forward with a new, healthier mindset. It creates space for change, transformation, and growth.

Self-love is truly the bedrock of a fulfilling life. Without it, it’s hard to be truly happy or content, as you’ll always be relying on external sources for validation and happiness. It’s essential for self-empowerment, well-being, and living authentically.

I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do. ~ Brené Brown

Confusion Understanding Self-Love

Self-love can sometimes get confused with things that aren’t truly rooted in a healthy sense of self-worth.

1. Loving yourself doesn’t mean putting your needs above everyone else that harms or neglects others. It’s about finding balance, recognizing your worth, and respecting others’ needs, too.
2. Treating yourself with kindness doesn’t mean giving in to every impulse or desire. True self-love means being kind to yourself in a way that promotes long-term well-being and growth, not just short-term pleasure.
3. Self-love isn’t about being perfect or constantly striving for flawlessness. It’s about accepting yourself as you are—flaws and imperfections. Embracing those imperfections is part of the journey of self-love.
4. Loving yourself doesn’t mean being complacent or avoiding self-improvement. True self-love involves being aware of areas where you can grow and being willing to do the work to become a better version of yourself.
5. Self-love isn’t about making excuses for your actions or avoiding responsibility. It means acknowledging your mistakes, learning from them, and making amends when necessary, while being compassionate with yourself during the process.
6. Self-love doesn’t mean you always feel amazing. It involves accepting your emotions, even the tough ones, and knowing how to care for yourself through both the highs and the lows.

Self-love is creating a relationship with yourself where you nurture your well-being, growth, and happiness without falling into unhealthy patterns of avoidance, self-centeredness, or unrealistic expectations. It’s being kind, accepting, and supportive of who you are, flaws and all.

This self-love is the instrument of our preservation; it resembles the provision for the perpetuity of mankind: it is necessary, it is dear to us, it gives us pleasure, and we must conceal it. ~Voltaire

8 Ways To Love Yourself

Starting to love yourself can feel like a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. It’s true that self-love is an introspective process. It’s about creating a habit of kindness, patience, and acceptance. Here are some practical ways to begin:

1. Practice Self-Compassion and Celebrate Your Worth

Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend who’s going through a tough time. Instead of criticizing yourself when you make mistakes, try offering yourself encouragement and understanding. It might sound simple, but reminding yourself that you are doing your best can go a long way.

Start by recognizing your own value. Write things you appreciate about yourself—your strengths, your kindness, your achievements. This practice allows you to connect with the parts of yourself that you already adore. It’s easy to get caught up in what you think you lack, but reflecting on what you already bring to the table can help you see your inherent worth. Think about what makes you unique. Write them down and refer to this list whenever you need a reminder of your exceptional traits! As you move forward on your journey to self-love, you will go back and add new things to this list.

Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with gold at both ends. ~ Aberjhani

2. Let Go of Perfectionism

No one is perfect. That you have to be flawless to be loved or accepted holds you back from loving yourself. Acknowledge your imperfections and learn to embrace them. They don’t define you—they’re part of what makes you unique and human.

You are conditioned to be competitive, so comparing ourselves to others comes easily. But there might be danger. Comparing oneself to other individuals on the planet is pointless since there is only one you. Instead, focus on yourself and your journey. It’s the energy shift alone that will release you. In a similar vein, don’t stress over what other people think or expect from you. You can’t satisfy everyone, therefore it’s a waste of effort and will only make it harder for you to become the greatest version of yourself.

You are told constantly from a young age that “nobody is perfect, everyone makes mistakes.” But as people age, the urge to succeed grows. You have to make errors in order to grow and learn. Recognize your past. You’re always growing and developing from who you were to who you are now and who you will become in the future. Thus, disregard the egoic voice that demands perfection from you. Make a ton of errors! You’ll pick up priceless knowledge.

When you’re different, sometimes you don’t see the millions of people who accept you for who you are. All you notice is the person who doesn’t. ~ Jodi Picoult

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Loving yourself means protecting your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Practice saying no when something doesn’t serve you, even if it’s hard. It’s about prioritizing your needs and making sure you’re not overextending yourself for the sake of others.

Some people refuse to take responsibility for the energy they emit into the cosmos. If someone is poisoning your life and won’t take responsibility, you might need to cut ties with them. Don’t think twice about doing this. It may be painful, but it’s freeing and vital. Don’t forget to protect your energy. It’s never rude or inappropriate to leave settings or people who are draining you.

Self-love is an ocean and your heart is a vessel. Make it full, and any excess will spill over into the lives of the people you hold dear. But you must come first. ~Beau Taplin

4. Practice Self-Care

As I become older, I’m realizing how crucial it is to look after your body. Following the basics of bodily nourishment—eating a balanced diet, getting enough rest, and exercising regularly—is essential to maintaining good health, which has a significant influence on how you feel about yourself.

When you take care of your physical needs and give your body the affection it needs, it becomes easier to meet your emotional and mental needs. Furthermore, you feel good about attempting to care for your body.

This can range from taking time to rest or doing something creative that brings you joy. Self-care is how you show yourself that you’re worth investing in. Start with small, achievable acts, and build from there.

It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit. ~ Eartha Kitt

5. Challenge Negative Self-Talk and Yourself with Positivity

Everyone has an inner critic that loves to point out your flaws. Start to notice those thoughts and challenge them. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, pause and ask, “Would I say this to a friend? If not, why am I saying it to myself?” Replace the negative with affirmations or kinder thoughts. Trauma often leads to a harsh inner dialogue. You might internalize feelings of shame, guilt, or unworthiness that stem from your traumatic experiences. As part of self-love, challenging this negative self-talk is essential. Remember, you are not your trauma.

The people and environments around you affect how you feel about yourself. Create a positive space—whether it’s through uplifting relationships, inspiring content, or nurturing environments—that encourages you to love yourself more.

Put yourself first and don’t feel bad about it. Women get accustomed to putting other people before themselves. This has its place and time, but it shouldn’t turn into a habit that jeopardizes your mental or emotional well-being. Set some time to unwind. If you don’t take the time to unwind and rejuvenate, you run the danger of severely taxing yourself. Whether it’s spending time outside or just relaxing in bed, make time for it.

Your self-worth is determined by you. You don’t have to depend on someone telling you who you are. ~Beyoncé

6. Forgive Yourself

You can’t change your past. You cannot undo what you have done or what others have done. Find the inner fortitude to forgive someone from your heart and your head, even if you have endured a lot of sorrow and suffering from them in the past. Your ability to let go of the past will increase as you complete this task.

Furthermore, when you’re doing it, allow yourself to forgive yourself for whatever harm you may have done to both yourself and another person. It was easier for me to forgive someone else for their destructive actions, but I’ve realized that it was much harder for me to forgive myself for not being able to prevent myself from being hurt in the first place!

Learning to accept and forgive others as well as oneself is a crucial part of self-love. Only then will you be able to go on with love and start to truly embrace who you are and your past.

You have moments you wish you could do over. Part of self-love is forgiving yourself for past missteps or perceived failures. Understand that you did the best you could with what you knew. Allow yourself to learn from the past and release any lingering guilt.

I must undertake to love myself and to respect myself as though my very life depends upon self-love and self-respect. ~Maya Angelou

7. Practice Gratitude

Focusing on what you’re grateful for can help shift your perspective toward a positive mindset. Start small—whether it’s gratitude for a warm cup of coffee, a delightful conversation, or your health. As you build a habit of gratitude, you’ll naturally cultivate a deeper appreciation for yourself and your life.

Gratitude is a powerful emotion that may help you shift your perspective from one of pessimism to optimism. Its various benefits, such as improving sleep, reducing anxiety and depression, and increasing overall life satisfaction, have been shown in several studies.

One of the best ways to incorporate thanksgiving into your life is to make it a daily habit. Scheduling time each day to jot down three to five items for which you are grateful for might accomplish this. To remind yourself that you are already lucky, go back to this list whenever you are feeling down, unworthy, or in need of a little mental boost.

A purposeful practice of gratitude fosters a sense of abundance and acceptance, which both leads to a stronger sense of self and existence, and it raises your appreciation of everything in your life, no matter how small.

When you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better. ~Solange Knowles

8. Be Patient and Kind with the Process

Self-love is not an overnight transformation. It’s a practice. You won’t be able to flip a switch and suddenly feel completely at peace with yourself. Give yourself grace as you go through the ups and downs of this process. The key is consistency and understanding that it’s okay to be a work in progress.

Trauma recovery is not linear. Some days will feel better, and others might feel overwhelming. Self-love in this process means having patience with yourself, acknowledging that healing takes time, and not expecting perfection. It’s about being okay with the difficulties and still treating yourself with care and gentleness.

Remember, loving yourself is about taking the time and care to recognize your value, treat yourself kindly, and make decisions that honor your well-being. Starting small and gradually building these habits will help you create a more loving relationship with yourself.

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. ~Buddha

How Self-Love Extends to Others

When you can see your own value and worth, it’s much easier to see the same in others. It therefore becomes easier to establish positive relationships. Additionally, the more you learn to love and respect yourself, the easier it’s being kind to others.

1. When you love yourself, you’re more comfortable in your own skin, which radiates confidence. This confidence can inspire others to feel comfortable around you, creating a positive and safe space for people to connect.
2. Loving yourself means understanding your worth and setting boundaries that protect your mental and emotional well-being. This teaches others how to respect you, and often encourages them to practice self-respect as well.
3. When you treat yourself with kindness and compassion, you’re more likely to extend the same to others. Self-love can make you more patient and understanding, which helps in building deeper, more meaningful relationships.
4. Self-love is a catalyst for personal growth and healing. As you work on being your best self, you become more equipped to support and encourage others on their own journeys.
5. When you radiate self-love, you’re likely to attract others to your tribe who are on a similar wavelength. This creates a circle of support where love and positivity flow freely.

So when you love yourself, it’s like you’re lighting a candle in a room that brightens the entire space. It helps you grow and thrive, and it has a powerful, positive impact on everyone around you.

Not only do self-love and love of others go hand in hand, but ultimately they are indistinguishable. ~M. Scott Peck

Moving Forward Loving Self And Others

Trauma may have shaped your narrative in ways that feel limiting or defining, but self-love invites you to rewrite your story. You are more than your past, and part of loving yourself is acknowledging that you have the power to shape your future, regardless of what you’ve been through.

After trauma, you may feel disconnected from who you were before or unsure of who you are now. Self-love is about re-establishing a loving relationship with yourself, accepting both the person you were and the person you are becoming. It involves meeting yourself where you are—without judgment—and honoring your journey.

Trauma can make self-love feel difficult, especially when the pain feels all-encompassing, but healing through self-love is one of the most empowering and transformative paths. It’s about giving yourself permission to heal, to feel your emotions, and to recognize that you deserve love, peace, and joy—even after experiencing trauma.

Self-love also means knowing when to reach out for help. You don’t have to navigate trauma recovery alone. Therapy, support groups, or coaching with me can provide you with the tools, guidance, and validation you need. Seeking support is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of self-love and self-care.

Life is too short to waste any amount of time wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself. ~ C. JoyBell C.

As you take steps toward self-love, remember that it’s okay to take your time and lean on others when necessary. You’re allowed to heal at your own pace, and you are worthy of healing and love.  Please keep in mind that self-love is a process rather than a goal. Enjoy the process, be patient with yourself, and take your time!

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