Terri Kozlowski
Always Moving Forward
Always Moving Forward
We are all seekers looking for the answers that our soul is whispering to us. These questions help us to unearth who we are, our authentic selves. To live an authentic life means that we have the courage to be our true selves. This authenticity isn’t just with close friends and family, but with everyone we meet.
Here is the nine-step guide for you to follow to live an authentic life. Click each heading to get a more in-depth essay about each step in this process.
The first step to authentic living is that we must remember who we are. You are a soul of pure consciousness that is connected to Spirit at all times. Understanding that we have never been alone is empowering and provides us the courage to be our true selves.
The ego has created all the limitations we think hold us back as the soul has limitless potential and possibilities as it is and has always been connected to Source. As we awaken to these potentials, we begin to expand our consciousness in all areas of our lives. By moving past the ego reality, we free ourselves from old habits and concepts that cause us to be fearful.
So, now that we are choosing to be authentic, we must see that comparing is an act of fear. We’ve all struggled with comparing ourselves to others. There are countless categories upon which we can compare ourselves and an infinite number of people to compare ourselves. It is one of the leading causes of our unhappiness, as we allow what others do to influence how we feel about ourselves. When we compare ourselves to others, it’s disempowering.
If you continue to compare yourself with others, then you will feel like you’re never enough. Let me clearly state, right now, that you’re good enough because you were born a unique individual. No one else on this planet is like you, so you really can’t compare yourself to anyone.
Now we have to learn to remove the armor we’ve been wearing to protect ourselves keeps us from making human connections. The shield that we learned to put up when we were younger so that the words of others didn’t hurt so much. It’s understandable why most of us have armor, but do we realize it keeps us from living a fully authentic life? Whatever our age, the armor or masks that we wear are as personalized and unique as each of our susceptibility, uneasiness, or hurt, we’re trying to diminish.
We need to recognize that our weaknesses are part of our authentic selves. We can’t be authentic with others unless we are honest and share all of who we are, and that includes our vulnerabilities. Although the vulnerability has conventionally been seen as a weakness and the idea of being exposed — defects, inadequacies, mistakes, and all— is, for most people, totally petrifying. But as Brené Brown has shown through her research, that being vulnerable isn’t a liability — it’s an asset. Being vulnerable is the ability to allow people to see that you’re not perfect, you make mistakes, and you don’t have all the answers. It’s letting people know that you’re human.
The thing that rises to the surface when we are vulnerable is we realize we don’t fit In. We’re all born unique individuals. Even identical twins have distinct personalities. Since we all arrive on this planet as separate entities, why do we try so hard to be like everyone else? Why do we want to be “normal”? Why is our uniqueness a cause of fear, so much so, that we want to hide away our authentic selves?
But trying to fit in with others doesn’t allow our authentic self to emerge. We are all different. But, we don’t have to be afraid of our differences. Instead, we need to embrace them. We’re all intelligent in our unique way. Beauty is within each of us, and it’s part of the differences we see in one another. Being the same, fitting in, being normal is boring. Who wants to be boring?
So, being different and not fitting in, isn’t a negative. We are all born to stand out, not blend in, as we are all born unique individuals. By taking a risk and choosing to be different by being your authentic self is a step in maintaining your authenticity with others and be happy with yourself.
As children, we get mixed messages about our uniqueness. Loved ones tell us it’s okay to be different, and then they are the same people who try to get us to conform. We are praised for our drawing talents until we start drawing negative imagery as others get concerned about us. As young people, we get tattoos or piercings to show our individuality but then are told in a job interview that we must cover them up while working. Society rarely praises individuality. But innovators and creative people take a risk to be different and, in doing so, are commended for their bravery.
Greatness is in all of us when we allow our authentic selves to emerge and grow in the light. As we show the world our uniqueness, we encourage others to be brave and show their true selves to the world. We need one another. Our differences are required to improve the world. If sameness worked, wouldn’t we have solutions by now?
So, we all need to see the value of being different. We’re all distinct individuals. And we know this is true, but let’s examine why we’re different. We’re all going through similar experiences, but have filters we see things through based on our personality and background. Our perspective allows for unique manifestations that we call our lives, even if we have similar experiences. Our singular consciousness is the mysterious component that enables us to show our individuality, the talents we have, and our unique perspective. Valuing this difference in ourselves and one another is the definition of acceptance.
When we accept ourselves, many things happen. We become empowered when we lovingly accept ourselves because we show we recognize our path differs from other people’s, so we no longer need to compare ourselves. Then we become free when we tenderly accept ourselves because we realize our missteps are part of the journey. We become happy when we accept ourselves and allow ourselves to give ourselves compassion and self-care as all happiness comes from within. And we must learn that accepting ourselves means we value not only our differences but value the differences in others.
But let’s be confident that we don’t allow the ego uses the uniqueness we each have as a tool to keep us separated when being unique is commonplace and should bring us together. By trying to make you believe that your uniqueness makes you better than anyone else. How can that be true when we are all different? We are distinctive, but none of us is exclusive because uniqueness isn’t special; it’s commonplace.
Differences are the underlying cause of conflicts, and we are all varied and plentiful because any two people whose differences aren’t embraced and acknowledged by each other cannot overcome the conflict. None of us wants to fit into a mold to become more like another. The ego encourages our specialness; thus, the divide between us and others grows.
Seeing the similarities in one another is how we consciously overcome the ego and authentically connect with people, even when we disagree. But we all can be compassionate at the sight of the suffering of a fellow human being. We can be considerate of one another as we cross each other’s paths. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted, so consciously choose to love and accept all those who enter your life, even briefly. You don’t know how a single kind word or gesture can change the attitude or mood of someone. Be the kindness you want to see in your community.
Accept yourself as you are since you were created to be yourself. From the day you were born until this moment, there has only been one of you, and no one else can take your place in this world. Therefore, who you genuinely are is who you are supposed to be. You’re not supposed to pretend to be someone you’re not. Or are you to wear masks and armor that the ego says you need? You’re to be your authentic self every moment of each day.
Resisting who we are is harmful to our self-esteem. Resisting who other people are separate and conflicts. By choosing to stay in the struggle, we choose to be miserable and allow the world to continue in negativity. So, let’s make a conscious decision to accept ourselves as we were created, as well as allowing others for who they are.
Authentic communication is actually hearing and understanding what one another says while being truthful and open that is also compassionate. In other words, authentic communication is honest but not unkind. Authenticity in communication allows for a free exchange—of ideas, feelings, and support—that builds trust, commitment, and favor among listeners. Through this type of communication, we begin to make real connections with others.
When we believe in ourselves, it unleashes our full potential. But many of us have self-confidence issues, so believing in ourselves is difficult. For years, I needed others’ approval to feel good about myself, which often left me feeling horrible. But learning to reframe the stories I told myself, adjusting my self-talk, and understanding the past is not an indication of the future allowed me to gain the confidence I needed to believe in myself. This modification of my thoughts allowed me to see myself as a better person than my ego said I was.
Acceptance of how our life is currently is necessary for us to change it. We must make peace with where we are and what brought us to this place in our journey. Fighting or resisting what is causes us to suffer needlessly. Only through acceptance can we change.
We all want to be better than we are. But why do we think negatively about ourselves? Through our domestication as we grew up and others’ conditioning, we have learned to doubt ourselves. Then the ego replays our mistakes and missteps over and over in our minds. But it doesn’t seem to remember any of the times we did well or had success. So we need to unlearn these bad behaviors and retrain ourselves to transcend our fearful mindset and live the life we dream of having.
How we speak to ourselves matters. The inner voice in our heads that chatters to us can say things to help us believe in ourselves, or it can tear us down to the point of depression. So, have we thought about how we speak to ourselves? We do it every day. Many of us don’t even realize it’s running commentary, but it has a significant impact on our lives, so we want to be kind with our self-talk.
The negative self-talk we all recognize as the egoic voice in our heads that admonishes us. Telling us what “should haves” and “could haves” we missed out on, making us feel miserable about our lives. The ego’s voice limits us by keeping us from trying, growing, and living our dreams by holding us in a fearful state.
When we talk positively to ourselves, we are patting ourselves on the back for the work we’ve done. It’s the optimistic, soulful voice that looks at the bright side of things. The heart’s encouraging voice pushes us to take a risk to move towards our dreams.
We can’t avoid self-talk, but we can alter what we accept as true. Our thoughts are neither good nor bad. They are. We need to accept them as they come, but we don’t have to believe that every thought is the truth.
Habits are the way we unconsciously go about our day. Some behaviors are good for us, and some aren’t. But do we evaluate them periodically to see if we should alter the behaviors for our personal growth? Many times we only look at them if there is a health concern. But we all should take stock as to whether our habits are serving us, or are they keeping us from growing and expanding our souls?
Our habits have tremendous power in our daily lives, particularly when we stay in autopilot mode. We can know we need to change, we have the right intentions, but picking the alternative path to reach our goal proves more challenging than we thought.
Becoming aware of those things we don’t realize we do out of routine takes effort on our part. Sometimes it takes another to point out what we are doing may be more harmful than good. We all develop coping mechanisms to deal with things that may have worked at one point in our lives, but today no longer serves us. But with awareness comes the opportunity for change and growth.
It’s not just about breaking habits that no longer help us, but also adding habits that will nurture us. By tracking our daily activities and routines, we can assess our behaviors to determine their usefulness. If they are no longer benefitting us, then we can replace them with other practices that do.
The word proactive means we are acting in anticipation of events that haven’t occurred. It implies we are thinking about how we are responding to situations we expect to happen. It also means that we are taking responsibility for our actions instead of watching our lives as observers. When we are proactive, we maintain control of the course our lives take.
Notice I didn’t say we maintain control of our lives because we can only control ourselves and our responses. When we are reactive, we allow the circumstances and others to determine our actions. We are merely surviving. But by taking the time to look at our options, look at alternatives, we can consciously choose which direction we want our lives to take.
Proactive living means we look ahead and see if we can expect situations and seek resolutions or ways to bypass the potential issue before they occur. When we approach life in this way, we are consciously aware of our goals. We can maneuver towards them despite what circumstances arise.
Are you authentically you, or are you still wearing masks and armor to protect your egoic self? Or are you conforming to what others want you to be by taking on roles or labels friends and family put upon you? We all struggle with expressing who we authentically are because we’re learning about ourselves or afraid others won’t like who we truly are. So we conceal our authenticity, and then we feel ashamed of ourselves. But as we realize this suppression, we can easily put it aside and grow into our beautiful, authentic selves.
As we live authentically, we alter how we perceive our lives. We consciously follow our hearts and not our egoic mind. And we are aware of those things, people, and events we enjoy and choose to partake in those activities over others we don’t like. We seek like-minded individuals to add to our tribe of supporters. And we take action towards our goals and dreams and live a happy and fulfilled life.
Studies have shown, when we are living authentically, we are happier and more self-confident. As a result, our lives have less stress and bring us greater satisfaction in our relationships. In addition, by living authentically, we learn to live in the Universe’s flow. As a result, we are more creative, trust ourselves, and easily see solutions to obstacles.
Last month, my husband and I took a vacation to Santa Fe, New Mexico. It’s an enchanted place both in physical beauty and in the land’s sacredness to Native Americans. But, unfortunately, it’s also the place of my childhood trauma. So me returning to a place that’s tarnished required me to be courageous and mindful.
What do I mean by mindful? I needed to be aware of how I reacted to a place my egoic mind wants to keep me away from so I don’t get hurt again. Remember, the ego wants to protect us from being re-injured, so keeping me away from New Mexico was what it’s done for over twenty-five years.
I had warned my husband that I might have an emotional reaction but didn’t know what that could be. I journaled about it before we left, as well as meditated on the matter. But as we approached the state line, I felt nothing abnormal. When I saw the sign saying how far Albuquerque was, I had angst.
It was a realization that I was where my abuse, abandonment, and trauma took place at my mother’s hands when I was eleven. Then there was a wash of peace. Yes, peace. Why? Because the subsequent comprehension I had was a deep knowing that I was completely healed. No lingering pain, fear, or negativity. Just the feeling of coming home to a place I was meant to be.
Learning to love and accept ourselves can be challenging to accomplish, especially if we’ve had trauma in our past. Unfortunately, we all record the voices of others who have made negative comments to us and replay them repeatedly. The ego internalizes the negativity and believes the words are valid. This process is the cause of our self-loathing and self-doubt.
We need to examine the places and things about ourselves we don’t like to unearth our authentic being. Self-acceptance and self-love are about recognizing all parts of ourselves, the positive and negative attributes. Then, understanding that we can choose to alter those that no longer serve us once we acknowledge our characteristics. We can also learn to integrate negative attributes in ways that are beneficial rather than harmful.
For example, I’m a recovering control freak and have a place for everything. My family finds this annoying. But by accepting this part of me, I can use it positively. Because in the business world, it’s seen as I’m well organized. All of our strengths and weaknesses need to be accepted as part of our being. And through this self-love, our authenticity blooms.
Who are you when you’re alone? When you think about it, you are your authentic self when you’re by yourself. You don’t bother putting on the masks, labels, or armor you feel you need to wear around others to be accepted. Unfortunately, somewhere along your journey into adulthood, you decided you weren’t worthy of being seen as you authentically are.
Whatever your age, the armor or masks you wear are as personalized and unique as each of your vulnerabilities, uneasiness, or hurt you’re trying to diminish. As the ego instilled fear into you as you grew up, you felt you needed to hide your true nature to be accepted. Yet, most of us talk about wanting people to be who they are, authentic, and their unique selves. This thought process is the paradox we all find ourselves.
If you are wearing a mask or taking on roles to fit in, you end up feeling alone and disconnected from others. You are a fantastic individual. But if you’re hiding behind the armor and masks the ego said were needed to be accepted, then no one else will see how wonderful you are.
I’d forgotten who I was as I began my healing from my childhood trauma. But I discovered that there’s inherent freedom in being myself. I didn’t have to figure out which mask to wear. As I took the journey back to Spirit, I learned to accept my authentic self. So here are the ways you, too, can be yourself.
You already know you are different and unique. There’s no one else like you on the planet. Even identical twins are distinctive in personality. You’re intelligent, skilled, and compassionate. So, why do you question your worthiness? Worthiness is about you being authentically you. It has nothing to do with anything outside of yourself. Therefore, no one can give you value. Your worth is a fact that can never be taken or whittled away because of missteps.
Do you believe you’re more than enough, just as you are? Most people struggle with the sense they’re sufficient. Someone made them feel inferior for something. Then the ego took this notion of being lesser and told you to hide who you authentically are so you would be accepted. So, you put on masks, armor, and labels from others so your ego would feel safe and recognized.
Do you think you’re broken or not normal because of past trauma or missteps you have taken? It’s not true because the reality is everyone is whole. What many call damaged are just the masks, labels, and armor that hide the authentic being underneath. So, what you project to others seems fragmented.
So, since you are already whole, self-love is about accepting all the different parts of yourself, positive and negative qualities. Look at yourself with compassion and know you are a work in progress, just like everyone else. And then recognize you can alter those parts of you that no longer serve you.
Everyone wants to feel that they belong, have a place to fit in, or be a part of something. It’s one of the foundational physiological needs. But even if you have friends, family, and a community doesn’t mean you have a sense of belonging. And without this feeling, you can’t grow because it will be restrained. After all, you are looking outside yourself for something the egoic mind desires.
To experience the belonging everyone desires means you have to love and accept your authentic self, all your strengths and weaknesses. Why? Because you can’t feel like you belong with others when you are feeling unloving towards yourself. Self-love and acceptance are powerful tools to nurture yourself and live the life of your dreams.
When you feel like you belong within yourself, you can ward off the negativity and drama of others. You can set personal boundaries to protect yourself. And you don’t compare yourself with others because you know there is no one else like your authentic self.
Last month, I focused on writing articles that helped you learn to love yourself. I wrote about your worthiness, that you are more than enough just as you are, you are whole, not broken, and you belong. This deep dive into self-love and fully accepting your authentic being was building the foundation needed for you to be determined every day to be your authentic self, no matter who you are with or what situation you may find yourself.
In discovering who you are, what you are passionate about, and examining your beliefs, you learned how uniquely wonderful you are. And when you share your authenticity with others, you made deep and loving connections.
And when you unearth your authentic being, you can determine in which ways you want to learn and grow. This self-creation is about taking responsibility for the choices you make instead of making excuses or blaming others.
When you’re being authentic, you commit to making your life your own. You’re focusing, fully engaging, and consciously deciding based on what is in your best interest. And you’re no longer concerned about what others think about how you move forward with your vision, you no longer compare, and you certainly aren’t conforming to what your ego thinks others want from you.
This doesn’t signify you are unkind or not compassionate to people in your life. It means you are courageously putting up personal boundaries because you are being honest with yourself and others at all times is foundational.
As you journey back to your authentic self, staying in alignment with your authenticity can be difficult. Especially when the egoic mind still tries to keep you stuck with negative self-talk, old patterns of behavior, and the false belief that you’re unworthy or broken.
Mindfulness is the tool you can use to help you stay aware of whether your actions align with your truth. Your personal growth leads you to discover the goals you set for yourself. Now you can compassionately use your goals as a measuring stick to observe your actions, words, and development.
You do this measuring with questions like:
And even if you take a misstep and what you did isn’t in alignment, you consciously choose to learn from the situation, so you don’t do it again.
So when you make decisions that honor your authenticity, you’ll notice that life becomes more joyful and serene. You are adding more self-care to your routine and your experiences are more fulfilling because you know the foundation of your authenticity is accepting your entire self, strengths, and weakness. And you are worthy and more than enough, just as you are.
Many people struggle to be their authentic selves depending on whom they are interacting with or what role they’re playing at the time. But being dedicated to living your truth is more beneficial than wearing a mask or conforming to what other people think you should do.
When I was volunteering in different organizations, me being a strong woman seemed to upset many of the men. Like you, I have some amazing qualities, like organizational skills and planning abilities. But taking direction from me was difficult for some older men in the group. Who was I, a much younger girl, challenging how things were previously been done?
But I had the self-worth to stick to what I thought I needed to do and be authentically me. In the end, not only did I help the programs, but I grew them in ways never done before. Why? Because my enthusiasm for what I was doing was a shining example to those around me that new ideas, change, and growth were in fact positive things for the organization, not negative. I led them by setting the example and challenging their outdated beliefs.
See, being dedicated to allowing your authenticity to shine means you are inspiring others by your example. You are influencing them to see a different perspective. You are encouraging them to believe in themselves. Furthermore, you are serving them by making an authentic connection with them.
Once you are dedicated to being authentically you, then the conscious effort of being diligent takes hold. What do I mean by diligence? I believe it’s the ability to focus carefully on your goal, persistently, while being fully engaged with enthusiasm.
What does being diligent look like for being authentic? Being yourself on purpose each day is what it is. It’s not allowing the egoic mind to chatter negativities in your mind, which causes you to conform, put on masks or armor.
It’s the business of life the ego uses to keep you distracted and, therefore, stuck. Instead, choose to follow your heart and listen to the whispers of your soul consistently. It’s a carefully thought-out plan of action that you persistently stick to as you manage your time, efforts, and connections.
Also, keep in mind that being diligent has to happen despite the circumstances. Both in good times and in situations that cause focus to fade, diligence perseveres. No throwing in the towel when the going gets rough, when the negative self-talk begins, or the ego wants you to conform to society.
Being diligently, authentically you, and living your truth means there aren’t any comparisons being done, right? You can’t compare your distinctive self, living out your dreams, against other people’s goals and standards because they are uniquely different. This also means you can’t compete against other people’s benchmarks. Everyone has their values and ways of measuring progress. So, if you are doing well by other people’s standards doesn’t mean you are attaining your goals and living your truth.
Society falsely believes everyone is competing against each other, as one witnesses in the natural world. But this is an egoic lie. If there is competition, it’s not with others, but with yourself. The internal struggle to see and live out your full and limitless potential. The goal is to better yourself through growth, so the future authentic you is better than your current version of yourself.
Why is changing your perspective about competing so important? Because it’s about who determines your values and progress. Are you the person who knows your goals, or other people based on their dreams and standards?
When you consciously choose to compete with yourself instead of others, you’re no longer trapped by other people’s ideas of how your life should be led. Therefore, you determine and evaluate yourself based upon meaningful matrixes that matter to you.
When I say you need to start each day being grounded, what do I mean? Being grounded has become such a common phrase that everyone assumes they understand what it means. However, depending on one’s lifestyle, views, and environment, being grounded can mean various things to different people. What I mean by being grounded is being fully in the present moment. Physically, emotionally, and energetically, firmly in the now. It means that your thoughts are not straying or consuming all of your energy. You are not looking into the past with sadness or the future with anxiety. Take three deep breaths, now you’re grounded.
According to the Oxford Dictionary, humility means a modest or low view of one’s importance; humbleness. What is significant about this definition is that it’s referring to how you view yourself in rank or position with others. It’s the opposite of comparison because you understand and believe that everyone is equal to you. Being humble is the realization that you aren’t more significant or better than others. It’s the awareness that you are equally important to everyone else.+
When you consider your closest, most intimate relationships, you frequently include those with partners, parents, kids, extended families, and pets. I firmly believe you should cherish and value these relationships as part of a living fulfilling life. You need to make the effort to show them how you feel regularly. Assume nothing about one another. Enjoy and treasure them while you have the opportunity. You should approach each connection with love, kindness, respect, and admiration since you never know what your destiny may contain.
A gentle person is someone nice, agreeable, and lacking in harshness. A kind individual does not make sudden moves or statements. They are amiable, respectful, and comforting to be around. Hurriedness, harshness, or violent behavior are not seen by these people. A gentle individual emits a calm assurance.
Do you know what it means to behold? According to Webster’s dictionary, it means to perceive through sight or apprehension. So, you can see something as it is, through sight, or through the eyes of fear, apprehension. Isn’t this interesting? Doesn’t this make you think that how you perceive something affects how you react to it? If you look at something and behold it as it is, you’ll respond appropriately. But if you allow the ego to see it from a fearful perspective, then you’ll react differently.
Nothing about my story is set in stone. I can review the chapters of my life and emphasize the events that mattered. Although they may still play a significant role in my story, the themes of grief and self-control have grown from challenges to victories. With the advantage of hindsight, I can now see how characters that looked crucial were just supporting actors, comic relief, and sitcom bad guys.
Everyone has experienced times when something seems off, but you’re unable to identify the problem. Perhaps it’s a queasy stomach, a racing mind, or general unease. You could be tempted in these circumstances to ignore your symptoms and move forward despite your emotions. It’s your soul’s method of telling you to be aware. Regularly checking in with yourself is one of the best ways to be more aware of your own needs.
The ability to check in with oneself and the people around you is powerful. It’s the ideal time to promote mental health during May’s Mental Health Awareness Month. Asking the individuals in your life how they’re doing and paying close attention to their response is one approach to do this. By checking in, you may make them feel supported and show them you are a resource they can depend on. You can do this in person, over the phone, via email, text, and more. A little work can go a long way!
Your life will become more balanced, free, and joyful if you simplify it. When you start to experience these advantages of living simply, you start to wonder, “Where else in my life can I remove distractions and simplify life to focus on the essentials?” Even though modern life can be hectic and complicated, it doesn’t make us happier or more fulfilled.
Peaks and valleys are a part of life. While some can return to the mountaintop more nimble, stronger than before, and prepared to face the next challenge, many get stranded in the valleys. What separates people who seem to be stuck in the valley from those who have more mountaintop moments? You risk getting stuck in the valley if you don’t make constant, meticulous, conscious attempts to renew yourself.
Transparency was once a term that mostly related to visibility. The word transparency may seem straightforward, but it’s anything but simple. Its extraordinary power resides in its capacity to reveal intentions, feelings, and facts. In other words, accepting your authenticity.
As we allow our authentic self to emerge and learn to better communicate with others, we let human connections occur. Connecting with others is the next step in our evolution of authenticity.
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