I will admit, the healing journey can be a tough road to travel. First, there are the potholes of despair to traverse.  Then there’s the debris that stops you in your tracks, which needs to be dealt with before you can move forward.  And if you don’t deal with the rubble, it rots, and life stays smelly and unpleasant.  Next comes the muddy, messy middle, where the old egoic patterns are seen, but you struggle to overcome the limiting beliefs. 

Although it’s part of the process, no one going through it wants to hear that statement.  Growth, expansion, healing have some messy processes you must complete.  There are no ways around–just straight through.  Just as the body develops, there are growing pains, so there are discomforts as you wade through the messy middle of the healing journey. 

But take solace in knowing that the speed you travel in the middle of the expedition is entirely up to you. The hardest part of the healing journey is already over, getting you going down the path. The middle part is about reframing. It’s altering your perspective, changing your mindset, and modifying the stories you tell yourself. 

As you walk through the middle, you also find wisdom, where you find your truth. Every part of life has a great beginning, a messy middle, and a fantastic finish. So how can you move through the messy middle of your healing journey quicker?

Most of your experience enduring the middle miles will be couched with uncertainty. You’ll feel like you’re wading through an ocean of unknown depths and inhabitants—in the dark. ~ Scott Belsky

Awareness Is The Key

As you’re courageously going within to allow your authenticity to arise, the awareness you now have concerning your limiting beliefs clarifies how your egoic mind works.  You now recognize when your ego tries to make you fearful.  You know how to change the way your inner critic’s messages into empowering statements for better self-talk.  

Through your awareness, you’ve been planting new seeds of positivity in your life. In addition, you’ve been setting personal boundaries as an act of self-care.  You’re seeing the generational patterns of behaviors and are working on altering your conduct. There’s recognition of how you react and respond to circumstances, and you’re determining if they come from a place of fear or love.  

Awareness is also how you see when you make a misstep.  Understand that this is inevitable because you’re learning a new skill set as you navigate the messy middle.  You’re changing the lenses through which you see life, and sometimes you forget to change the glasses that have been stuck on your nose. 

So be gentle with yourself. You’ll remember to take off the gray lens of fear and put on the lens of love more often–it just takes practice.  Therefore, don’t compare yourself with others on their healing journey. Your inside isn’t supposed to look like their outside. Instead, your goal should be to do better than you did yesterday. Trust the process and yourself to keep moving forward out of the messy middle.   

Progress often feels elusive in our most important projects because meaningful work takes a lot of time and because the applications we use to do our most meaningful work “hide” progress from us. ~ Scott Belsky

Have Support During The Messy Middle

Make sure you have some self-care practices in place that you can use to help you through the messy middle. For example, I found journaling an excellent way to release my emotions and clarify whether I was reacting out of fear or responding from a place of love.  Find ways to ground yourself each morning so you positively begin the day.

Find your tribe of people to support you.  They are like-minded but will challenge our thinking.  Stay connected to others who are in different stages of their healing journey.  This linking is so others who have gone through what you are dealing with now can support you, and you can help others who aren’t as far along as you are on the path.  When you are encouraged, it boosts your self-confidence. You can help others feel better about themselves in their messy middle. 

Although the egoic mind tries to keep you disconnected from others, it’s a lie.  Withdrawing from others only stagnates your growth and your healing.  But authentic connections accelerate your speed down the path of restoration. Why? Because it provides the nourishment, you need to grow. 

Everyone needs those who encourage, accept, and love them as they authentically are.

You are born with the need and the desire to connect with others authentically.  Your brains are wired to do so.  You reduce your suffering through your relationship with others. You can share and comfort one another as you traverse the messy middle together. 

Humans need people.  Our brains are wired for connection with others.  This need is why we must find our tribe and make authentic connections. ~ Terri Kozlowski

Dealing With Your Mindset

As I went through the different stages of my healing journey, I would get frustrated with myself for not progressing faster than I was.  I could see I was making progress, but I wanted things to move quicker and easier.  Then I realized that was an unrealistic expectation I had for myself.  Why? Because I hadn’t done this before, I had no previous experience altering my mindset or reframing the stories I told myself.  I was learning, and therefore I had to allow myself time to absorb these new skills to get through the messy middle.    

It takes eight weeks to form a new habit. So it takes time for you to alter your self-talk from being critical to being kind. Or to put personal boundaries in place and learn to maintain them with others. The shift you must take into recognizing the things you need to be aware of isn’t small, easy, or fast to implement.  But when you believe you can change, you have shifted from a fixed to a growth mindset.   

Any growth you go through means the end of an old way and the beginning of something new. So sit with what the change means.  Being mindful and aware of your entire experience serves as a reminder that you can move through the discomfort of the messy middle and come out the other side.  You’re capable of more than you can imagine, and you can handle this growth process in your healing journey.

Society wants us to listen to the mind.  Only the heart tells us the truth.  Living from the heart allows us to be more than we are. ~Terri Kozlowski

The Messy Middle Question

The question that keeps you in the messy middle the longest is, why me.  It causes you to wallow in an unhealthy monkey mind of scenarios that cause nothing but more anguish and suffering. Why me, brings in shame, judgment, and blame, which keeps you in the past.  It keeps you stuck looking behind you instead of living in the present moment. 

The minute I quit asking the why me question was the instant my healing journey hastened its pace.  Why? Because when I realized that no matter what answer was given, it wouldn’t satisfy me, I could let it go. Why me, is a tool of the ego to keep you in a fearful state.    

The only question that moves us out of the past and into the present is, now what?  What am I doing now to release my past, so it no longer hurts me?  Why am I allowing myself to tell a story that’s disempowering?  What lesson am I to learn?  Now what am I going to do?

Once you know the egoic mind wants you to stay stuck in the past, you can focus on where you want to go. Thus, the alternative question you ask yourself isn’t about figuring out the past, but about being consciously aware of your choices to move you forward out of the messy middle.

The perfect question is the key to clarity. It unlocks truth and opens minds. ~ Scott Belsky

Finding Your Truth

Focusing on the process through the messy middle instead of the ultimate destination enables you to become your authentic self.  The healing journey is just that, an adventure you must go through to uncover your buried authenticity. Masks, armor, defense mechanisms, and a fixed mindset have covered up who you genuinely are. 

Because the ego instills fear, you felt you needed to hide your true nature to be accepted. However, if you are wearing a mask or taking on roles to fit in, you end up feeling alone and disconnected from others. The messy middle is where you remove all the coverings you put on when you are around others. 

You’re not broken, and you don’t need to be fixed.  The healing journey isn’t about brokenness. It’s about recovering your authenticity that was fractured when you put on the disguises and shields to protect yourself.

Your truth is under those layers. To gain strength and resiliency, you have to go through the process of uncovering who you authentically are.  What you like and dislike.  Who you are when you’re alone.  The more you trust your tribe and yourself, the easier it will be to remove the layers and get through the messy middle.  

The truth is somewhere in the middle of each thing. ~ Deyth Banger

Messy Middles Require Quiet Time

For you to unearth your authentic self requires quiet alone time. Why? Because you must learn how to hear the whispers of your heart over the shrieking of the ego. As you go through the messy middle, you need to understand the difference between the soulful voice and the egoic utterance. 

Yes, this means having to be alone with yourself.  The ego is loud and obnoxious. You know its critical voice.  If the exclamation is causing you to be fearful, then it’s the ego.

Who you really are is beyond your mind; it’s your soul – your authentic self.  I recognize that the mind won’t stop thinking.  Mine certainly hasn’t.  But being mindful is the ability to surpass the innate chatter of the egoic mind.  It’s the ability to have the egoic, fearful thought without believing it’s true. 

By getting quiet, you allow your soul to center you.  This silence allows your authentic self to lead you.  Therefore, your true identity is linked to your soul, not your egoic mind. 

Over time, you’ll come to realize that your thoughts are separate from who you are.  You own the experiences you have more than the ideas and feelings you have. As a witness to your thoughts and releasing them, you allow the encounters you have to develop your reality out of the messy middle.  

When we get quiet and allow silence to be a part of our daily lives, we discover our ultimate power to overcome the egoic mind and live authentically.  ~ Terri Kozlowski

Moving Forward Out Of The Messy Middle

Enduring through the healing journey is developing your internal resilience.  You need to appreciate that the missteps taken during the messy middle are those areas you need to reinforce.  So the new mindsets, kinder self-talk, and questions you ask yourself to take hold. 

The healing journey requires you to simmer in the messy middle so the authenticity you covered up with mask, armor, defense mechanisms can be removed. Maintain the awareness of your old behavior patterns, so you can move through the messy middle quicker than I did. 

Do you need help on your healing journey? Take the bridge I built through my messy middle to help you get to the other side. Do you want a strategy to help you overcome the ego’s limiting beliefs and live a successful life? If so, please reach out to me at TerriKozlowski.com, and we can put together an action plan for you to create the life you desire.

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Article Name

Why Exploring The Messy Middle Of The Healing Journey Is Vital For Growth

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No one likes the messy middle of the healing process, but you must go through it to heal and have a life of peace and happiness.

Author

Terri Kozlowski

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Kozmic Soul Solutions LLC

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