All parts of life are better when you share them with others.  We celebrate the highs, and we grow closer with the lows as we realize that others understand us.  Our biggest lessons and most significant rewards are found through our connections with people.  Here are ten guiding steps to deepen your relationships with friends, coworkers, and family.  Click on each step below to read the full description of each phase of connecting with others authentically. 

1. Why Connection with Others is Vital         

The authentic connections we have with others help us to live happy lives.  What is this bond, and how do we strengthen it with one another.

Four things need to occur for you to connect with others authentically. The first item required is that you must be fully present.  The second item required for connection is being your authentic self.  Third, we need to have empathy and compassion for our fellow human beings.  Trust is the last element needed for genuinely connecting with others. 

But making authentic connections requires us to do more than be with others.  We need to strengthen the bonds we have with people.  Face-to-face interactions are where we can see if the relationship with this person is one that fulfills us, brings joy into our lives, and supports us when we are struggling and if we can reciprocate to benefit the other.

2. How to Release the Fear of Rejection to Connect with Others          

To authentically connect with others and share our thoughts and feelings, we need to be released from the fear of rejection.  Science has shown that our brains are wired for these personal connections.  We don’t need a lot of them, but these individual bonds are required so that we don’t feel all alone in the world.  These unique relationships provide a sense of comfort and protection that we desire in our lives.  It has even been proven that we tend to value belongings less when we feel cared for and accepted by others.

Reaching out to connect with others from an authentic place is an act of courage. It doesn’t negate the anxiousness that you may feel as you show your real thoughts and feelings. Being aware of the emotions and choosing to be authentic allows these sensations to settle. As we continue to do this over time, we become truly confident, and these emotional states diminish.

3. Love is the only way to which True Connection can occur

To make a genuine connection with another, you must form that bond through love.  Loving relationships allow both parties to be authentic and real.  Being in love and genuinely loving are two separate things.  Being enamored is about the euphoric feeling, which results from chemistry.  Truly loving another person is about a deep connection.  This bond has the ability for both parties to be vulnerable and available to one another while being empathetic.  This relationship with another can only occur when love is present. 

We all desire to have authentic relationships with those in our lives.  And we also want to make new and lasting connections with others.  This can only happen when we make these genuine links through love.  Affection is the lens that we need to view others.  Love is how these ties need to be made if they are to be authentic and lasting. 

4. How to Connect with Others by Responding with Love  

 Connecting with others is vital for us to be happy humans.  And we know that the only real way for us to bond authentically with others is through love. So, how do we love those that come and go from our daily lives, even the ones we would rather not deal with who come along our path?  We consciously choose to make genuine connections with these people as well by responding with love in our interactions with them. 

To lovingly connect with others, we have to learn to respond with love in all the situations that we find ourselves in so that authentic bonds are made.  Responding with love in all our interactions with others is how we can authentically connect with everyone we meet.  Through the vehicle of compassion, all interactions with people can be loving.

5. Growing into True Love        

We are meant to connect with others, but true love is something we grow into over time. True love is the total acceptance of another, just as they are.  When we marry, the love we feel for one another is like nothing else. After 20 years, it is very different.  It’s not that there are fewer emotions, or fewer hopes, or less love; there is more trust, more truth, more authenticity, more forgiveness, and more comfort.  Love is emotional compatibility that is enhanced as time goes by.  When love perseveres, we prove that true love never fails. 

6. The Art of Getting Along

We all have our quirky traits that make us who we are, and sometimes these quirks can rub people the wrong way. The trouble with quirks is that other people notice them, while we do not. For us, it is normal behavior.

We need to let people be and let them have their quirks as we have ours. We need to respect the other person’s personality and the right to differ from us. Precisely the same forces ever mold no two people.

7. Share Your Enthusiasm to Connect with People           

You must lead them with optimism, energy, and enthusiasm for your organization, and it begins with you. Your enthusiasm is contagious.

You can’t affect others in any way if you don’t love the people first. People don’t care what you know or what you can do for them until they see that you genuinely care about them. By showing that they matter, you can influence them to believe in the cause and the organization.

8. Simple Ways on How to Master the Art of Listening    

Listening is the act of mindfully hearing what another person is saying to you. To listen actively means that you are giving all of yourself to the communication process.  You are listening to what is being said and not thinking about a response.  Truly listening is not a skill that is taught, but it is a vital ability in any aspect of life.  Although hearing is a biological function, it takes a conscious effort to hear what someone is communicating to you. 

Remember, all of us want to be heard. And as we become better listeners, we become better parents, better leaders, better teachers, better partners, and better friends–better human beings.

9. Why Personal Boundaries are Important and How to Set Them     

Personal boundaries are the guidelines, rules, or limits that we create to identify reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for other people to behave towards us.  Also, it is about how we respond when someone steps over those boundaries and the consequences of their actions that we impose. We build these boundaries out of a mix of conclusions, beliefs, opinions, attitudes, and experiences we have had in dealing with others.  It’s essential to have them in place as part of our self-care practices.

10. Do You Remember the Time? How to Create Positive Memories  

So, what is a memory?  Memory is the ability by which the brain translates, stores, and retrieves information. It’s documentation of our experience in directing future actions.  Memory helps make us who we are. Without the help of memories, we would struggle to absorb new information, form long-term associations, or the ability to go through our daily lives.

Memories mean something vital because they are the exclusive territory of those who took part in creating them. The distinctiveness of shared experiences clarifies why we have inside jokes, which make sense to no one other than our closest friends.

What we need to do to create lasting memories is to focus on those things we want more of in our lives.  More time with our families and friends and doing more of the things that we enjoy.  Focus on the positive aspects of our lives instead of the negative ones.

11. Receiving is a Skill that has to be Cultivated

So many of us have trouble receiving from others. It’s not a skill our parents teach, nor is it learned at school.  We enjoy the getting of something, but actually receiving the love and kindness is different.  For many of us, when we receive a gift, we feel obliged to give something in return, to keep the balance, so we don’t owe another.  Or when we receive a compliment, we counter it by mentioning one of our faults.  We dismiss an offer of help, spouting our independence when the support really could benefit us.  Receiving is a skill that we can learn. 

My primary love language is gift-giving.  I’m that person who remembers that when we had lunch three months ago, you mentioned wanting to take up journaling.  So, for your birthday, I gift you a beautiful leather-bound refillable journal with your favorite quote embossed on the cover.  My intention is for you to feel my love and appreciation for you as a human being, not that you owe me anything. 

I learned this from my grandmother.  I never left her home without a full belly and knowing she loved me deeply.  She also accepted gifts from me as an act of my love and appreciation for her.  I had a splendid example of how to give and receive properly. However, I still had trouble accepting others because of my abandonment issues from my mother.

12. You Are a Unique Part of Me I Don’t Know Yet Because We’re All Connected

I believe we are all connected, and these connections to others are vital to us and our growth.  From a physical perspective, the brain is wired for human associations, which enhances our social relationships.  But how are we all linked scientifically?

Science’s current theory of the evolution of the Universe is the Big Bang.  At its basis is the belief that everything, all that is in the Universe, was, at one time, altogether.  All that is was once one concentrated mass, a singularity.  Then, B-A-N-G! The Universe expanded into what it currently is. 

So, at one point, we really were all connected.  And more importantly, we are all created from the same origin.  All the energy that existed from the Big Bang is still all the energy that exists in the Universe, because energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only transformed. 

As human beings, we are energy inside our bodies.  We can feel that force within us.  The universal power flows through each of us and everything in the Universe.  That is why you are a unique part of me I may not know yet. 

13. Fear is the Usual State of the Ego; Together We Can Overcome

The ego’s job is to protect us.  So, it’s always looking for danger.  Even if the situation isn’t hazardous, it still has its hackles up because it expects something to go wrong.  That is its role, seek out threats so it can protect us from any harm, real or imagined by the egoic mind.  This negative outlook on life is why the natural state of the ego is fear. 

Genuine fear is something that our bodies naturally respond to when we are physically threatened.  It’s the automatic reaction we call the fight or flight response.  Our heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing increases so that our bodies can handle the danger.  This response is normal and part of our genetic makeup. 

Egoic fear is psychology because the threat isn’t real; it’s just driven by the ego’s voice in our heads.  It reruns a threat over and over, making us relive those moments.  Or it makes up countless ways the hazard could have been worse or ways we could have avoided the situation.  Either it makes us feel victimized or blames us for the outcome.  Only negativity comes from allowing the egoic mind to maintain its storytelling. 

14. Compassion is the Natural State of the Human Mind

Despite the ego’s natural state of fear, humans have a great capacity for compassion.  Our interconnectedness with Spirit, Mother Nature, and other human beings allows for benevolent feelings to arise from our souls.  The human heart’s natural state is compassion. 

Our brains are wired to connect with others using mirror neurons.  Through these specialized nerve cells, our empathy is activated, and we feel the emotions of others.  This circuitry connects our brains with every personal encounter we have. So our bodies are naturally compassionate. 

Watch toddlers at a playground, and we can see that they naturally care about others’ well-being. But as we age, cynicism enters our lives. We become less sympathetic toward others as we allow egoic fears to rule our existence. 

15. Why Active Listening is an Act of Compassion

Over the past year, it’s become vital for everyone to learn better communication skills.  Yet, despite all the hi-tech, conversing with another still depends on your words, tone, and body language. But that is from the speaker’s side of the conversation.  What about the receiver?  Your primary goal is to actively listen to the talker to understand what is being conveyed.  This active listening is a genuine act of compassion you show to the speaker. 

Hearing is a physical act the human body does by taking in and evaluating sound waves.  The brain then interprets those vibrations into what you hear as a sentence spoken to you.  This ability is a wonder and something many take for granted.  But active listening is the conscious act of trying to understand what is being heard.  Why? Because it requires the time and effort of the receiver to be fully present in the moment. 

Genuine listening for many rarely occurs because countless people only hear to reply. However, when you truly listen, you build authentic connections with others, resolve issues, allow for understanding, minimize conflicts, and improve relations.  When you listen to understand, it provides more time, better-shared experiences, and fewer errors. Through active listening, you can form better relationships, ones that heal and convey love and acceptance.   

16. Yes, Respect the Differences in Others is Compassion in Action

I am different from you.  Everyone realizes no two people are alike, not even twins.  You can see the personality quirks in one another. This part of humanity makes each of you unique and why your authenticity is needed in the world. So, respecting one another’s differences is compassion in action.  Why? Because the dissimilarities allow you to see through another’s eyes and expand your viewpoint. 

Being able to empathize with another means you can see and feel from their perspective. It’s not about feeling sorry for the person or wanting to help fix a situation, but truly understanding what they are going through.  Being empathetic minimizes misunderstandings and enables authentic connections to occur.

When you choose to give another respect, you show them their point of view is significant because they are worthy, even if you disagree with what they say. Why? Because it demonstrates to them that even though you haven’t had the same experience, you see their life events are valid for them.

Through mutual respect, people are honest and take one another seriously. Through cooperation and collaboration, resolutions can be found because everyone’s perspective is considered. Each person has a unique viewpoint the others may not see. When you can regard another experience, you seek to understand by changing the lenses you see through concerning the situation.   

17. Yes, Empathy is Needed for Every Relationship to Thrive

Compassionate humans are everywhere if you’ll open your eyes and see the kindness of those around you.  Why? Because compassion is your natural state.  So how is empathy different?  Being able to empathize with another means you can see and feel from another person’s perspective. Empathy minimizes misunderstandings and enables authentic connections to occur.

Relationships cannot thrive without the ability of both parties to empathize with the other.  Otherwise, you will always feel forced to alter your behavior instead of realizing that the other’s perspective is just as critical as yours.  

Despite what you may think, 98% of the population can empathize with another. Empathy is vital in every aspect of life that requires you to interact with human beings, so with friends, co-workers, family, and even strangers. If you only think of your interests in any personal interaction, the relationship will fail.  So unless you are a self-sufficient hermit who interacts with no one, you need to empathize with others for any of your connections to thrive. 

18. Actually, Through Your Patience With Others, You Show Them Compassion

You’ve been told that patience is a virtue, but what does that mean? According to Webster, a patient person can wait for a long time without becoming annoyed or upset.   They can also deal with problems or troublesome people or give attention to something for a long time without losing interest. So, you are virtuous when you can take the time to deal with life without getting upset.   

So how do patience and compassion go together? Well, when you are dealing with others, being compassionate also means you’re patient with them.  It’s about taking the time necessary to actively listen to them to understand what they are trying to convey to you. Patience is about time. You’re enduring with empathy their way of explaining their point of view. Being patient is the tolerance you give someone for being their unique selves, even if you disagree or are offended. 

Relationships require time and stamina from each person for the authentic connection to thrive. Your fortitude to work continually to improve your bonds with others is how your patience is a compassionate act.

19. How To Love The Life You Have And Live The Life You Love

Love your life, do you? Or do you occasionally feel unhappy, confident that you’d be much happier if you had a larger home, better relationships, more money, fascinating hobbies, and the admiration of your peers? So many people continue to chase happiness, telling themselves that a new video game, wardrobe, raise in pay, or trip will somehow make them happier. Many associate success with happiness, and success with wealth. However, a lot of wealthy people are unhappy.

20. Why It’s Helpful In All Areas Of Life For You To Have A Love Of Learning

Although you might not think so right now, you are in fact a lifelong learner. People are designed to learn. Humans by nature have a love of learning, and they’re adept at it, which is what makes us so significantly different from other species. There is no closure in your learning. Passing a test is not, however, the goal of real learning. It goes beyond simple knowledge recall and aimless memorizing. It’s about developing fresh perspectives on the world and gaining the knowledge and abilities needed to realize your goals, which will make you the finest possible version of yourself.

21. Why Adding Your Favorite Things To Your Daily Life Is Powerful

Last month I was talking with a friend who made lunch for someone and served it on her favorite China because she wanted to. It reminded me that many people keep different things for special occasions. And yet, every day should be distinct and hold a unique memory for us. Why? Because it’s the only one like it, you will ever live. Using your favorite things in your daily life will help you love the life you have.

22. How To Feel Love For Everyone In Your Life

You came to Earth school knowing you’re a conduit for love. Your purpose was to love others and be loved, making loving connections. How to love those in your life should be at the forefront of your thinking. It’s not about what they can do for you, but how you can be of service to them. This is who you authentically are. However, you’re then put into a family unit to care for you while you grow up. It exposes you to both healthy and unhealthy love stories. As you realize the unuseful stories you have concerning love, you can unlearn them and apply new loving stories to everyone in your life.

23. Be Captivating It’s How You Empower Yourself To Inspire Others

Transparency was once a term that mostly related to visibility. The word transparency may seem straightforward, but it’s anything but simple. Its extraordinary power resides in its capacity to reveal intentions, feelings, and facts. In other words, accepting your authenticity.

Moving Forward

We all make connections with others, but to truly bond with people requires us to be authentic with them.  It means that we are open and vulnerable.  It requires that we set personal boundaries and learn to listen better.  Ultimately, it means that we interact with them in loving ways, as love is the only genuine way to connect with others. 

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An Authentic Guide to Connecting with Others

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Here is an Authentic Guide to Connecting with Others; ten steps in creating better relationships and strengthening bonds to enhance your life.

Author

Terri Kozlowski

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Kozmic Soul Solutions LLS

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