It’s interesting how we grow and change.  For twenty years, I searched for people who had drama in their lives and tried to help them.  Or I’d create drama in my life and draw others in with me.  I did this as a way to distract myself from dealing with my own issues. But then, after I went within and healed from past traumas, the idea of self-created or other people’s drama in my life was distasteful. 

Drama attracts the egoic mind because it can use it to its advantage.  Whether as a distraction from dealing with ourselves by making minor upsets into catastrophes.  Or it makes us feel better by seeing other people in their own suffering as friends call you to deal with their issues.     

Chaos can seem comfortable because we can blame, shame, and judge others and ourselves instead of dealing with our own masks and armor.  It’s a tool of the ego to keep us stuck.  We can’t grow and expand if we constantly fight through drama, and the egoic mind likes to fight.  Remember, fight or flight are the ego’s primary reactions to life.   

We all probably have some drama in our lives that we would like to minimize. So here are six ways to help you keep from getting sucked into the drama that can occur around us. 

Taking on too much of other people’s drama is just a poor excuse for not taking ownership and control over your own life. ~ José N. Harris

Mind Your Own Business

Just because I’ve been able to transcend the fear in my life doesn’t mean I can fix everyone’s anxiety.  However, if someone asks me for help and will do the work, I can help them transcend their fears.  But for me to give my opinion or advice without being asked is to invite drama into my life, because I don’t know where they are in the healing process.    

Unwelcomed guidance can be an intrusion into someone’s life.  No one likes to be told how to handle the circumstances they are in unless they ask.  Even if you enjoy helping others, it can be a path into the drama of another that may be hard to get out of since you volunteered your counsel.     

So we can either choose never to offer unsolicited advice or put up personal boundaries to keep other people’s drama out of our lives.  When someone is expelling frustration, let them.  Then if they seem to look for you to comment, ask them what they are looking for, support, advice, or just venting. 

Be careful and aware of those people in cycles of bad behaviors. Unfortunately, the complainers keep making the same missteps and keep asking for more advice that they don’t follow.  If you entertain this person, you will solicit their drama into your life. 

I only have time for you, not your drama. ~ Ibrahim Hanif

Tell The Truth To Avoid Drama

If we lie to others, we are creating drama.  Why? Because lies come to light at some point and thus cause everyone involved negativity as we try to cover up the truth.  If we look at the crux of drama, it’s the byproduct of ineffective communication.  It’s the absence of logically responding to another.  It’s reactionary. 

When we have a dispute with another, sit down and calmly discuss the issue with them.  Direct communication cuts down on the drama because it eliminates the nonsense and allows everyone to deal with the real problem.    

As emotions intensify during a conversation, the possibility of miscommunication increases.  Why? Because sarcasm, gossip, and passive-aggressive behaviors play as the egoic mind fights for its position.  This egoic tool only serves to increase confusion and misleading information, which causes drama to thrive. 

Therefore, say it like it is, but with kindness.  So, be tactful.  I used the sledgehammer of truth on others, which only caused them to dig their heels, and resolutions rarely occurred.  But when I learned tactfulness, I was still honest but in a way that others could hear and solve the issues. A frank, factual, and calm discussion helps all involved.

Finally, listen without reacting emotionally. So many times, drama comes from an overreaction to a comment which leads to misunderstandings or confusion.  Instead, be courageous and learn to listen, intending to understand. 

Conflict is drama, and how people deal with conflict shows you the kind of people they are. ~ Stephen Moyer

Are You Creating The Drama In Your Life?

If drama occurs in many areas of your life, consider that you may be causing the upset.  Or you could feed it with your emotions.  Remember that the egoic mind does things it gets rewarded for doing. So look inwards to see what you are gaining by having drama in your life. 

• Are you getting the attention you desire by creating an issue others have to deal with? 
• Do you like when others share their problems so you can feel better about your life? 
• Are there generational patterns that cause you to feel drama is a normal part of life?
• Or do you feel bored without the drama in your life?

We can add adventure into our lives without drama by exploring new interests and self-improvement.  And when our time is being consumed by things we enjoy, we don’t want or need the drama.

For me, most of the drama in my life occurred in my head.  And then I would isolate myself from others, which intensified my fears. So a simple solution for me to alter this pattern was to change my perspective. 

I did this in two different ways. One was to go somewhere else physically.  My choice was to walk in the woods for hours.  Being in Mother Nature calms the soul, reconnects us with Spirit, and allows us to see an alternative path. 

The second way for me to alter my perspective was to change the story I was telling myself.  This reframing exercise helped me to see the good in the circumstances.  The ability to see the lesson allowed me to understand that I was growing from the situation, and continued suffering was only in my thoughts which I could stop.   

So many people prefer to live in drama because it’s comfortable. It’s like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship – it’s actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

Stop Gossiping & Making Assumptions

Talking about other people who aren’t present for the conversation is gossip, especially when information cannot be confirmed.  And if you speak about others, then you’re gossiping, and so is the listener.  Rumors aren’t about truth. It’s about tearing others down to make us feel better. 

Just like the tin can phone, what is heard further down the line is far from being the truth.  And each person who takes part adds their own twist or emotions to the hearsay.  This chatter breeds drama for all parties involved, even if you only listen. So skip the grapevine and go directly to the person you want information from, or just don’t take part.  

Instead, make no assumptions about others.  When we try to determine why anyone did or said anything without asking them directly, we stirred up drama.  Why?  Because we have no way of knowing another person’s thoughts unless we ask them. 

And if we do assume, let’s choose to embrace the positive instead of the negative. For example, when we think cynically, we feel hurt and want to strike out at others.  But suppose we consciously choose to assume a positive outlook. In that case, we can feel better about the circumstances and the other person and decrease any drama.   

Pay attention… When a person is gossiping, you are learning more about them and their character than anything they are gossiping about. ~ Steve Maraboli

Be Compassionate To Ease Drama

We all have problems in our lives.  And we all need to vent.  But drama occurs if we react from fear instead of responding from a place of love. So if someone is venting, allow them the freedom to do so without commenting unless they ask.  This courtesy is an act of compassion to allow them to expel their emotions, as it is a temporary situation. 

Suppose, however, we react to their expressing their feelings. In that case, we get drawn into the other person’s drama or, worse, create drama from circumstances that were just a release of their pent-up emotions.  Reacting with negativity only escalates a situation.       

Our ability to accept others just as they are is essential to building our compassion muscles. For us to transcend our fear-based egos, we need to open our hearts.  This opening act allows the Soul to speak to us and show us the commonalities we have with others, even those we think are our enemies.  It’s as simple as being kind to all we meet. 

Choose to rise above the negative episodes by being compassionate and understanding.  Don’t get in the last word. Just let it go, and drama wanes.    

Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all. ~ Mandy Hale

Examine Your Relationships

Are the people you spend time with mired in drama?  When I was in the biker gang, there was a lovely lady who was caught in drama.  She wasn’t a negative Nellie, but undoubtedly a drama queen.  The more time I spent with her, the more she tried to pull me into the dramas of her life. I didn’t want to stop taking part. Still, I had to diminish the possibilities of being drawn into whatever the current drama was in her life.  

Who are you spending time with?

• Do you have more positive people in your life, or are they causing more drama? 
• Are they uplifting or complainers? 
• Do they make you feel good, or do they drain you?

It’s impossible to remove all the unhealthy relationships from our lives, especially if we are related to them.  But you can consciously choose to spend time with the people that are encouraging and drama-free. So find your tribe and give them your time.  

Also, learn to spend time with yourself.  I value my alone time.  It’s used to reconnect with Spirit, read, learn new things, and allows for self-care.  Wouldn’t you rather spend time alone than with someone who’s dramatic and wants to drag you into it? 

My husband and I loathe drama, and we are pretty purposeful in whom we allow into our lives. Hence, we protect ourselves from outside negativity and consciously choose whom we spend time with. 

Just because some people are fueled by drama doesn’t mean you have to attend the performance. ~ Cheryl Richardson

Moving Forward Drama-Free

When we face drama, use these six ways to diminish this time-wasting, energy-draining obstacle to a happy life.  And as you continue to practice these guidelines, you will find less drama in your life.  And the authentic drama-free connections you are making will enhance your relationships.

As we become more conscious of the cause of drama in our lives, we can learn to mind our own business and diminish our reactions to others so we can live the life of our dreams. 

When you surround yourself with dramatic people, your life will be driven by drama instead of destiny. ~  Gift Gugu Mona

Do you need support to help you find your direction?  Do you want a strategy to help you overcome the ego’s limiting beliefs and live a successful life? If so, please reach out to me at TerriKozlowski.com, and we can put together an action plan for you to create the life you desire.

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