You’ve all struggled with comparing yourself to others.  There are countless categories upon which you can compare yourself and an infinite number of people to compare yourself to.  It’s one of the principal causes of your unhappiness as you allow what others do to influence how you feel about yourself.  Comparison is an act of fear; the fear of being your authentic self. 

Social Comparison Theory states that humans have a tendency to make comparisons between yourself and others.  You do this as a way of establishing a benchmark by which you can make accurate evaluations of yourself.

However, comparison has many shortcomings.  It’s not a fair assessment because you don’t have all the information about the struggles others went through in order to obtain their goals.  Comparing has very little to gain and much resentment that can build. Adding this negativity to your life is counterproductive.  It deprives you of your joy and puts the focus outside of yourself. 

Personality begins where comparison leaves off. Be unique, be memorable, be confident. Be proud. ~ Shannon L. Alder

The Danger of Comparing

I hope I’m not the only one who remembers a similar situation: I sit at a table with friends and listen to them talk about their stories of exciting life events and career advancements. Even while I’m happy and proud of their achievements, I can’t help but compare my life to theirs. The act has been refined over years but it’s nearly involuntary. As I started to compare what is lacking in my life based on what is there in theirs, my comparison swiftly swerved into the more perilous high tide of comparisons from the calm seas of commonality. Like the Bermuda Triangle, the “Sea of Shoulds” is a dangerous location where few people survive.

When comparing yourself to others, you risk making unfair comparisons. Everyone is a distinct individual with traits and life experiences that are exclusive to you. Comparing oneself to another is a dead end. Your whole life experiences set you apart from other people. Yes, you could have some similarities. But you negate your own path and demand that the past differ from what it was when you compare yourself to others. The pressure you put on yourself to be like the people you’re comparing yourself to can occasionally serve as a catalyst for change, but it’s more likely to result in low self-esteem.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself and not a second-rate version of someone else. ~ Judy Garland

Where the Focus Goes

Comparing yourself to others allows them to influence your behavior. This is not an empowering act, it’s disempowering.  You’re focusing on the external of what you see, instead of concentrating on the internal which you can change.  The focus and energy expelled need to be placed on what you’re capable of now and what ways you can develop yourself.

Don’t forget that you are a unique individual, so comparison dilutes your gifts and talents, which cannot be fairly compared with others.  Your contributions and value are distinctive to your individual purpose in the world.  Therefore, you could never be compared to another. 

So how do you stop the habit of comparing?  You change your focus. By changing your focus from the external (others) to the internal, improving yourself, you reclaim your power to make the changes you desire in your life. By doing so, you can let go of the fear of being yourself. 

Take stock of your blessings. It’s preferable to concentrate on your blessings and what you already have. Prioritize your possessions over your shortcomings. Consider how fortunate you are to be alive at all, to have the people in your life who care about you, and to have what you have.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be Aware of Accomplishments. 

You frequently make these social comparisons without even recognizing it. It’s a natural act; therefore, it’s something that’s done without conscious thought. Therefore, the answer is to become mindful. By realizing these ideas, you may bring them to the forefront of your mind. It becomes much simpler with experience if you concentrate on these ideas for a few days; eventually, it will be difficult to ignore them.

Take a moment to acknowledge that you are making these comparisons. Accept the notion and softly shift your attention without criticizing or feeling guilty. As you have seen, it’s an ordinary act, resulting from unconsciousness. So, the solution is to become conscious and aware, to bring these considerations to the forefront of your mind. Once you notice them, you need to reframe the thought process and learn to move forward. 

Whether you are a journalist, artist, surgeon, gardener, parent, or student; you have a unique perspective, supported by distinctive experiences and exceptional gifts. You can love, support, and contribute to the world around you. Furthermore, you have everything you need to achieve success in your community. You’ve already had accomplishments, but you are choosing not to focus on those successes.  Use these past achievements to encourage you forward, to be your authentic self.

Comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent. ~ Betty Jamie Chung

From Competition to Appreciation

Competition is also a result of human nature.  In the past, you needed to compete against one another for food and procreation rights.  But that is no longer true in today’s society.  Now, you need to learn to cooperate, communicate authentically, and make real human connections.  Comparisons are another form of competition that is outdated.  Ask yourself what your strengths are rather than focusing on your shortcomings. Honor them! Take pride in them. Instead of boasting, take pride in them and try to make the most of them.

Reduce competition and increase appreciation. On this very globe, at this very time, you have all been brought together. Additionally, the sooner you quit trying to “win” by competing with others, the sooner you may begin cooperating to find a solution. Regularly recognizing and applauding others’ contributions is the first and most crucial step in breaking the competitive behavior.

You can start making connections with others by showing gratitude and appreciation for those you interact with regularly.  Thank your spouse for tossing a load of laundry into the washer.  Speak your gratefulness to your boss for understanding the desire to leave early for your child’s recital.  Appreciate the good things that you currently have in your life instead of focusing on deficiencies that are not necessarily important.  Gratitude is the best way to recognize the wonderful circumstances in our lives.  Gratefulness also dispels fear and allows you to be authentic with others. 

A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms. ~ Zen Shin

Your Imperfections are Authentically You

Accept imperfections. You all know cognitively that no one is flawless, yet on an emotional level, you appear to feel guilty when you fall short of perfection. You aren’t and never will be flawless. Keep working on yourself, of course, but don’t expect to be the “perfect person” at all. Another way of looking at it is that you are already perfect because of that imperfection.

Emotionally, you get disappointed when you don’t meet your own expectations.  Your struggle with difficulties in your life needs to be viewed as opportunities for growth.   Your imperfections are part of your uniqueness.  To be authentically you, means you have to know your faults.  You shouldn’t fear your vulnerabilities, as they have no power, but be humbled if your limitations are exposed.  Do you realize you are the perfect and only rendition of you that exists, despite your flaws? 

You can, however, look to others for inspiration without comparing.  It’s wise to learn from those around you or those that inspire you.  You all have someone you look up to, or that has made you think in a new way.  They start you on a fresh path, a new adventure, which you might not have taken without their inspiration.  So, it isn’t about comparing, it’s about being able to see that if someone else can do it, so can you.  Let your journey become one where others can look at you for inspiration. This is part of being fearlessly authentic. 

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty. ~ Steve Maraboli

Learn You are Enough

You must remind yourself that your actions and possessions—or lack thereof—do not determine your sense of value. While admiring a friend’s career or a coworker’s outfit is perfectly acceptable, you should not go beyond that. When you compare your own appearance or work to theirs, you’ve crossed a line that can make you feel terrible about yourself. And it’s simply not a nice place to be.

If you always feel you need what others have, you will never have enough. You will always want more. That’s an endless cycle.  So, you need to learn to recognize that what you have is sufficient.  If you have a roof over your head, clothes to cover yourself, and people to love you, then you have every reason to be content. 

If you continue to compare yourself with others, then you will feel you’re never enough.  Let me clearly state, right now, that you’re good enough, because you were born a unique individual.  No one else on this planet is like you, so you really can’t compare yourself to anyone.

You are worthy, just as you are.  You need to focus on the positive aspects of your life and what you do well.  Learn to appreciate others and know that your imperfections make you authentic.  By letting go of comparison, you release the fear of being authentically yourself.

I am enough. Who I am is enough. What I do is enough. And what I have is enough. ~ Anonymous

Moving Forward Without Comparing

Life isn’t a contest, so don’t worry about how you stack up against other people. It’s an adventure full of unexplored possibilities. You’re traveling in search of something, becoming something, learning something, or creating something. What other people have or how well they’re doing has nothing to do with your journey. What you want to do and where you want to go are the most important factors. You don’t have to worry about anything else.

Comparison draws attention to the wrong person. Your life is the only one you can control. However, you squander valuable energy, concentrating on other people’s lives rather than your own when you’re always comparing yourself to others.

You’re too special to be adequately compared. You and your purpose in this world are completely unique, as are your abilities, accomplishments, contributions, and worth. It’s impossible to compare them accurately to anybody else.

Have aspirations for the better things in life. Love, humility, empathy, selflessness, and generosity are some of the world’s greatest assets that are concealed from view. There’s no quantification in these greater endeavors. Make them your top priority and completely disengage from what society considers success.

In order to benefit and contribute to others as well as to better yourself, endeavor to live boundlessly. Attempt to look after your body, emotional, and spiritual needs. Make a commitment to improving daily. Additionally, learn to appreciate your minor victories without evaluating them against those of others.

Stop thinking you’re doing it all wrong. Your path doesn’t look like anybody else’s because it can’t, it shouldn’t, and it won’t. ~ Eleanor Brown

As you become more mindful of the comparisons you make and become conscious about your mindsets, you can alter the trajectory of your life.

Do you need help to become aware of your own worthiness?  Are you in need of support in overcoming your need to compare?  Do you want a strategy to help you create a marvelous life?  If so, please contact me and you can put together an action plan for you to be authentically you and for you to know that you are good enough.

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Don't Compare; It's an Act of Fear; Empower Yourself By Being Authentic

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Don't compare yourself to others. It is an act of fear and disempowering. Instead, choose to be authentically you and inspire others.

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Terri Kozlowski

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Kozmic Soul Solutions LLC

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