Why do you accept the lies your ego presents when life doesn’t go your way or seem out of control? I’m not good enough; there’s something wrong with me; I can’t do it, etc. These lies of the ego are used to control you and are what cause you to feel bad about yourself.

As children, you were completely reliant on other people to meet your needs. When they weren’t, or you experienced some kind of emotional, physical, or mental pain, it was too hard to blame your caregivers. If you couldn’t rely on them, it meant that your basic existence was in danger. In order to relieve your mind of this, the ego helped your impressionable mind concentrate on something you had control over yourself. If you were the reason, then you can take action to change that.

Believing the ego’s deception taught you to put your attention on bettering yourself until your caregivers deemed you to be enough to receive. No one learned how to recognize the ego’s deception and look within for the love, acceptance, sustenance, and calmness you so much needed. In order to protect yourself from grief, your ego keeps you preoccupied with reconciling the original narrative of your unworthiness. The ego’s strategy may appear to be a perverse way to help you, but it was effective when you were younger. Your ego is unaware that its story is no longer useful until you dispute it and replace it with the truth.

The ego hates losing–even to God. ~ Richard Rohr

What Is The Truth About Your Worthiness

Your caretakers couldn’t offer you what they had not. They couldn’t provide you with the undivided care you required because of their own experiences of neglect, abandonment, rejection, loneliness, or other anguish. They couldn’t give it to you or lead you to your own inner connection, since they never received it or learned where to look for it. Recognizing that reality could trigger long-buried feelings of wrath, grief, or fear that have never been given the chance to be recognized.

It can tip the balance of power inside your mind by giving yourself permission to let the energy flow through completely. The energy from the old story dissipates once the feelings have been experienced without judgment, and you can then recognize the lie for what it is. When it reappears, you can confront it and take control of your inner life by telling a better story that is true to who you are. When you can present a better tale that feels secure and nurturing to your inner child, the ego will calm down.

The ego only wants you to feel comfortable and secure, regardless of what other people are doing. The ego will follow your lead if you have a superior solution and clarify that this is what you are concentrating on right now.

Prudent, cautious self-control is wisdom’s root. ~ Robert Burns

Why The Power Of The Ego Is So Strong?

Your spirit has long already agreed to a bigger dance that is currently taking place. You’ve traveled here to contribute your special expression and light to the collective whole that you are creating. When your ego tries to protect you with its old lies, it’s time to confront it with reality. As you are in this earthly dance, you are exactly what is required. It’s time to remind your ego of your positive traits.

Your egoic mind continues to exert immense sway over your life as a psychological construct. Your experience is significantly more limited and your freedom is reduced because of this constant control. Why? What drives it to take over your life and use it for its own ends?

1. The ego wants to survive. The fragility of the ego is where its impulse to rule initially emerges. It’s important to remember your authenticity, or Source energy, has long since severed ties with the ego. So now it must build itself from scratch. All egos rely solely on their outward identities to live.

• The ego stands to lose everything. Your spiritual life, not your physical mortality, poses the biggest threat to your ego. Remember, your ego has created itself despite spirit and is always working to keep that separation. If the ego were to falter and allow you to glimpse your spiritual essence, its dominance would be swiftly destroyed. Being spirit-aware entails reaching a higher state of consciousness or, to put it another way, freeing oneself from the grip of unconsciousness. Your lack of awareness of your ego allows it to continue existing and continue carrying out its shadowy activities in your life unnoticed.

• Therefore, the responsibility of protecting ego’s kingdom from overthrow is enormous. It takes its demand for control to neurotic heights. It leads you to think that the ego is all there is and that it should focus your entire attention on achieving its goals. You’re being distracted and manipulated in ways you may never know or comprehend.

You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. ~ Marcus Aurelius

2. Ego finds strength by controlling its importance. Its one thing to take control out of your hands so that the ego can assure its immediate survival, but it is quite another to increase the ego’s sense of legitimacy. This gives rise to a drive for increasing levels of approval.

• Control gives the ego a sense of importance. Having found its lifeblood in how it finds need in its presence, the ego can expand and strengthen itself because it believes that it is vital. If there is one idea, the ego comprehends better than all others; it is this one: gaining control will put you in the spotlight more quickly. The ego will take advantage of this and use the attention to establish its relevance. It needs such energy as fuel.

• The ego is eking out some amount of merit in every way, seeking to establish its worthiness in the eyes of others, the self, and perhaps even spirit. And because it lacks a history or foundation, it must create its own mechanisms for acknowledgment. Ego’s default understanding is this: Controlling something makes you significant, and importance confirms the ego, which is the ego’s conceptual basis.

Self-control is the chief element in self-respect, and self-respect is the chief element in courage. ~ Thucydides

3. Since the ego is in charge, it has the upper hand. Most people would believe that the ego’s sense of importance depends heavily on perfection. When you find someone who exhibits perfectionism, which is ego at work. If you are perfect, people will look up to you and have no cause to doubt your abilities. The ego advances in its victory-validation.

• Keep in mind that the ego lacks an intrinsic identity and must seek one out through any attachments it may find. An important identity, for some, may derive from money, power, or recognition. But for the vast majority of people who don’t belong to those successful circles, they frequently settle for what they have come to sincerely, deeply feel to be true—that they’re not good enough or unworthy.

• Without an identity, the ego lacks any other reason to exist. In order to survive, the ego will do anything. The ego will conduct its own shadow activities. This involves playing the role of the saboteur when necessary.

• If the ego decides it’s more helpful to do so, it will eliminate your chances of success. Failure, the opposite condition, separates you in a manner that is just as powerful. Victimhood is a common way to identify people. You now see why some cling to their egos like they are their only lifelines to a recognized sense of self.

The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you. ~ Tony Robbins

Ways To Tell If Your Ego Is In Control

Do you fall victim to the ego trap? Here are a few indicators that your ego might control you. Be mindful of your behavior, how you interact with others daily, and how you feel in various situations. Keep in mind that not everyone with ego issues exhibits these attitudes, as it often vary from person to person.

1. 1. Your ego may control you if you constantly look for ways to defend your decisions, even though you know they are incorrect. When things don’t go your way, do you become irate or feel angry? Do you take offense when someone points out your errors? The need to be right all the time isn’t a soulful quality. Even feeling vindictive after losing can be a symptom that your egoic mind is in control. A person whose ego is in control will mope and find it difficult to accept that they were mistaken and not even look for the lesson because the ego is closed minded.

Rule your mind or it will rule you. ~ Horace

1. 2. Your partner’s or other people’s comments, opinions, suggestions, and constructive criticism are ignored if your ego is in control.  Many businesses ask their bosses or coworkers to evaluate each employee once a year. This feedback provides the possibility of improving at work. A person whose ego is in control is more likely to dismiss it, find it difficult to accept, and carry on by acting in the same way rather than changing their behavior in order to grow in their role.

Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control–these three alone lead life to sovereign power. ~ Alfred Tennyson

1. 3. Everyone wants to succeed, and winning is the way to do so. However, if you want to win because you detest losing, something is wrong with the picture. Ordinarily, people don’t want someone to be better than them; instead, they want to win because it makes them truly happy or gives them a sense of accomplishment. Your ego is in control if you’re taking part in a competition and are prepared to do whatever it takes to win, even if it involves stepping on someone’s toes.  Consider the following queries. Why are you experiencing this? Why do you feel the need to win at any costs, even if it means harming other people in the process? Is there any way to accomplish your goal that doesn’t involve the sentiment “I hate losing”?

He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself mightier still. ~ Tao Te Ching

1. 4. An individual whose ego is in control may struggle with insecurity. The constant desire for more is one sign of a lack of self-confidence. You decide to get the most recent phone after spotting a coworker using one. You decide to take a more pricey vacation because a friend recently took a cruise to the Bahamas. If you can actually afford what you want to buy, it’s acceptable. But if these worldly possessions are well above your means and you continually rack up credit card debt to go ahead of everyone else, which could be a sign that your ego is in control. There are other variables besides only material items to consider. You need to focus on the competition of “my kid is better than yours,” or the desires to boast and make up a falsehood to sound like you always have more.

• The biggest enemies of willpower: temptation, self-critical, and stress. (…) these three skills — self-awareness, self-care, and remembering what matter most — are the foundation for self-control. ~ Kelly McGonigalva

Steps To Controlling Your Ego

Your relationships at home, at work, or even with your partner may suffer if you cannot manage your ego’s control issues. Here are some pointers for managing your ego:

Develop your self-awareness. Self-awareness exercises are one of the first things to do to deal with an inflated ego. This entails being conscious of your behavior and accepting your ideas, feelings, and actions. When you are more conscious of your actions, thoughts, and speech, you will determine how you may improve yourself.

Acknowledge your faults and move forward. Everyone takes missteps; this is common. Learn to accept your weakness and be modest. An important step toward self-improvement is having the courage to apologize.

Remain calm and avoid personalizing situations. Sometimes you take things personally, which hurts your ego. Keep your cool and try not to get offended by remarks made about you by others. Instead, use constructive criticism as inspiration to improve.

Take a moment to reflect. Before starting a debate or making a comment, pause and consider your options. Avoid saying or doing anything you might later regret. You might control what you need to in order to tame your ego if you exercise self-awareness.

Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself. ~ Elie Wiesel

Moving Forward With True Control

The ego wants power to promote and protect itself. It can guarantee its safety and the strength by exercising control over how you live life. It prevents you from connecting with others and having a spiritual experience, which would eliminate the need for the ego. The ego mind can keep all of its alternatives for preserving its survival, including the darker ones, if it has complete control.

You can start to forgive yourself for having battled to find direction, meaning, and clarity in life by coming to terms with the ego’s motivations. You can absolve yourself and people around you of responsibility for your failures, misdirection, and lack of growth. And possibly with your deeper comprehension, you might lessen the ego’s capacity to mass and keep its grip.

Everyone has an ego. Your sense of self-importance, self-worth, and self-confidence depends on your ego. Have you recently checked in with your ego? Is it in the correct place, or is your life beginning to be controlled by your egoic mind?

It’s simple to claim, my ego doesn’t rule my life, because it’s difficult to confess. But if you stop to think about it, having self-awareness and the courage to acknowledge you could allow the egoic mind to rule your life will lead to success in tempering its negative effects.

Educate your children to self-control, to the habit of holding passion and prejudice and evil tendencies subject to an upright and reasoning will and you have done much to abolish misery from their future and crimes from society. ~ Benjamin Franklin

Do you need help to overcome the egoic mind control? Are you looking for a way to reframe the stories you tell yourself?  Do you want to stop feeling like you’re broken? If so, please reach out to me at TerriKozlowski.com and we can create a plan for you to understand your ego and know your responses will be in your best interest.

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It's Helpful To Realize That Control Is A Lie The Ego Uses To Hinder You

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That you have control over your life is a lie of the egoic mind to keep you reacting as your ego desires instead of responding wisely.

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Terri Kozlowski

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Kozmic Soul Solutions LLC

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