Do you think you are good enough just as you are, or do you keep comparing yourself to others?  Comparison; you all do it.  Society is quick to compare everything and determine who is more worthy. Who has the newest smart phone?  How was she able to lose the last 10 pounds that I can’t lose?  Look how successful the new business she just started is; where does she find the time?  In your journal, you are quick to compare your talents, or lack thereof, with those who are so much more talented than you believe you could ever be.  So are you good enough?  How do you define your worthiness?

You try to be “good enough,” just like most others. This might manifest as aiming for perfection, being too preoccupied, criticizing yourself when you fail, and never truly achieving a sense of fulfillment and happiness. You’re using perfectionism to love yourself, and the two are incompatible.

Let me clearly state right now that you are good enough because you were born a unique individual.  No one else on this planet is like you, so you really can’t compare yourself to anyone.  You may be like others.  Some may like to paint, but not the way you paint.  You may like Sci-Fi movies but you have different favorites.  You just being authentically you- is good enough.  No more, no less.  Let’s look at where your incorrect thinking about your worthiness comes from.

A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows. ~Francis of Assisi

Replay of the Tapes in our Heads

When I was a teenager, my mother told me I wasn’t strong and that if I was left alone in the woods, I wouldn’t survive.  This was her version of saying that I wasn’t good enough.  When she told me this, it made me angry, but I didn’t realize until years later that I kept playing this tape recording in my head every time I found myself in a tough situation.   I wouldn’t survive; wasn’t good enough to take care of myself. I wasn’t worthy.  I didn’t have confidence in myself.

Guess what, I am still here!  Therefore, I have proven, time and time again, that I am a survivor despite what my mother had told me.  Yet, decades later, this still comes up, so why haven’t I let it go?  Why don’t I realize that what she said was wrong? Why do I question my worthiness?

You have enough people and circumstances against you; don’t be against yourself. When the negative comes up, do yourself a favor and delete it. Switch over to the right recording.  ~Joel Osteen

The Ego Keeps only Negative Recordings

I actually know that I am a survivor and that I am good enough, but my ego likes to remind me of what my mother stated over forty years ago.  The ego is the keeper of our negative tape recordings, which is negative self-talk.  It doesn’t keep records of all the ways you have proven that you are good enough, just those times you have failed at something.  Thus substantiating you aren’t worthy.

Failure is not a condemnation of whether you are good enough.  Disappointment is proof that you are survivors.  It shows that you will take risks and try new things.  Frustration illustrates your courageous nature.  Regret shows you are brave for taking the chance.  Failure confirms your resilience and, therefore, is evidence that you are good enough.  You are worthy.

You don’t have to accept every idea that crosses through your head. Have faith in the excellent ones. The bad ones are not to be believed. However, sometimes it’s simpler to trust the bad ones. It seems this way, therefore it’s critical to acknowledge that you’re acting in this manner. Next, determine that such thoughts are false and transform them into something constructive.

The ultimate aim of the ego is not to see something, but to be something.  ~Muhammad Iqbal

Expectations of Worthiness

Expectations are those things others may impose upon you or, more likely, you impose upon yourself.  These hopes, when they don’t become realities, are the failures the egoic mind uses to cut you down.  These self-inflected wounds are the so-called proof you use to tell yourself that you aren’t good enough.

Again, it’s a lie.  A huge lie you keep telling yourself.  Well, it is a lie that your ego screams and shouts at you.

The truth, when you look deep within your authentic self, is that you know you are enough.  As you try your best in all you do, you realize that your best is enough.  Doing your best in every situation is an antidote to disappointment. Because when things don’t turn out like you want, you still can gain from the situation.  By learning from your missteps, you keep your value because you know you will do better next time.

Maybe my best isn’t as good as someone else’s, but for a lot of people, my best is enough. Most importantly, for me it’s enough.  ~ Lindsey Sterling

Breaking the Cycle

If you’re finding that these negative thought loops are taking over, there are ways to help interrupt the cycle:

• Mindfulness: Focusing on the present moment and observing your thoughts without judgment can help you step out of the cycle of rumination. Mindfulness teaches you to detach from the stories your mind tells and instead focus on the here and now.
• Journaling: Writing your thoughts can help externalize them, creating a sense of distance and control. It may also help uncover deeper feelings or thoughts that need to be processed.
• Challenge the Thoughts: When you recognize your replaying negative tapes, try to challenge them. Ask yourself, “Is this thought helping me? Is it true? What evidence do I have for and against this thought?”
• Redirect Your Focus: Engage in activities that ground you—whether it’s exercise, a creative hobby, or spending time with loved ones. Shifting your focus away from the negative thoughts can help break the loop.
• Seek Support: Talking to someone, whether a friend, family member, or a coach like myself, can help you gain perspective and find closure. Sometimes, having an external viewpoint helps you see things in a new light.

It’s normal to replay thoughts now and then, but if you notice it becoming overwhelming or disruptive, acknowledging it and taking steps to shift your focus can help you regain a sense of control and peace.

Mindsets

If you have a fixed mindset, then you will latch onto the disappointment as more proof that you are not enough.  Here again, you didn’t do it right, so why bother trying again in the future?  You use the past as evidence that you will repeat the mistake.  Of course, if you don’t learn from the misstep, then you will be completely correct.  Learning from the past is how you can make changes so that your future outcomes are more like you desire.

However, when you have a growth mindset, then your recovery from a failure is much faster.  This is because you analyze the situation and you make a conscious decision to learn from it.  What went right, what went wrong, how can you improve?  By asking yourself these questions, you bounce back from frustration quicker because you know you can.  You are enough and you have shown yourself over time you are resilient and you can move out of our comfort zone.

All we have to do is forgive ourselves wholly and completely forever, thinking that we are not good enough!  ~ Jodi Aman

The Truth of Who You Are: Good Enough

A few years back, I took an online course by Brené Brown based on her book, The Gifts of Imperfection.  In this course, her goal is to help bolster your self-esteem and personal development.  One exercise is to write “I am good enough” on your hand in the morning and look at it throughout the day to remind yourself of your inherent worthiness. 

Through the course, I was reminded that I am an eternal being and am limitless. Your true self is pure love personified. Therefore, your journey towards living your life isn’t about searching for anything outside of yourself. It’s about discovering the love that is already within you and expressing it in all your relationships.

The realization that you are pure love is evidence that you are enough.  Your creation by a Divine source is tangible evidence you are worthy and you are good enough just the way you are.  The hard part is for you is to believe this timeless truth.

Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.  ~ Brené Brown

Acceptance of Your True Self

Since the ego has been yelling at you about your unworthiness for so long, it takes a conscious effort on your part to alter your thinking patterns.  From an evidence-based scenario, you can see that over time that you’ve had successes.  You have overcome some fears.  Changing your perspective, although difficult, was something you accomplished in order to create a better environment.  There are indications you want to learn from your mistakes.  Therefore, you are good enough.  You are worthy.   

You can experience emotions of inadequacy and feel completely disorganized. No matter what has happened, give yourself permission to love who you are, just as you are. People who feel worthless require a lot of affection.

Since perfection is unachievable, you are not aiming for it. You want to make progress. Everyone is. Although growth feels wonderful, it doesn’t make you worthy. You are sufficient and deserving simply because. Even if progress and momentum are satisfying, you’ll feel less stressed and judged by yourself if you stay focused and take the proper actions one after the other.

Since there is evidence, you can now start reminding yourself that you are good enough, just as you are right now.  Yes, you have made errors, but since you have learned from them, the growth mindset shows that you have overcome that mistake.  You have changed your perspective therefore; the past doesn’t determine your future.  Your choices today determine tomorrow.  Choose wisely.

You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are. ~ Max Lucado

You are Worthy & More than Enough

The most important day is the day you decide you’re good enough for you. It’s the day you set yourself free.  Free from the negative tape recordings, the ego tries to replay. Free from the expectations you take on or impose upon yourself.  And, free from the limited mindset which can’t learn from the mistakes that are made.

You have judged yourself out of your natural state–you can only be who you are and it is good enough.  You are worthy, just as you are.  When you do your best as you move forward in life, taking risks, learning as you go, your authentic selves emerge and thrive.  Again, you see the proof that you are good enough and worthy just by being authentically you.

Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them. If we try to change them, it means we don’t really like them. ~ Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

As you become more mindful of the tapes playing in your head and become conscious about your mindsets, you can alter the trajectory of your life.

In order to free yourself completely from this way of being, you will need to face your fears head on and that may require using a coach like myself to help you. You will need to pinpoint why you are feeling insecure and inadequate in order to make progress because you need help to become aware of your own worthiness?  Do you need support in overcoming your negative self-talk and want a strategy to help you create a marvelous life?  If so, please contact me and you can put together an action plan for you to be authentically you and for you to know that you are good enough.  You are worthy.

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