How much happier do you want to feel in your life?  Happiness is influenced by three factors, according to studies on positive psychology: 50% is determined by genetics (biology and inheritance); 10% is determined by circumstances (sex, ethnicity, money, education, geography, etc.); and 40% is determined by intentional action (behavioral choices, thought patterns, etc.).

If you want to take more control over your happiness, it’s in your Intentional Activity.  You can gain knowledge and techniques to improve your level of happiness and contentment in life.  Like everyone else, happy individuals go through difficult times, but they rise above it by being resilient. You think that learning how to be happy is a skill.

Empirical evidence shows that happiness is a learned emotion, akin to any other ability. Speaking a foreign language or being proficient in algebra is not something you would expect. You know that these are acquired skills. However, research shows you need to learn how to produce, control, and alter your emotional experiences, including happiness, to master these other talents.

A long-term study at the University of Pennsylvania, summarized by Martin Seligman in his book Learned Optimism, determined that optimism is the most important quality you can develop for personal success and happiness. Optimistic people are more effective in almost every area of life. Why you ask…because optimists approach the world with gratitude and hope rather than fear and regret.

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. ~ Denis Waitley

Detach From The Outcome

It’s normal to automatically and seemingly unconsciously become attached to results. Note the areas in your life where you feel obligated to live up to certain standards regarding other people, situations, or even yourself. You can actively decide to detach by becoming aware of when, not if, you are attached.

When you become aware, you can then respond from an authentic place. Expressing your true feelings and allowing other people to be who they are. Independence is detachment. This freedom is the area of uncertainty or “not knowing” denoted by magic, mystery, awe, and wonder.

Humans are naturally curious about how things will work out. That’s hardly fun, though, if you already know how it ends. Release, disengage, and savor the current. Go with the flow. Enjoy something even better than you could have ever dreamed for yourself and let the Universe surprise you with what it has in store.

If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you. ~ Lao Tzu

Success, Happiness, And Optimism

Optimists have four special behaviors, which can all be learned through conscious and daily practice. Let’s look at these behaviors:

1. Look for the Good

First, optimists always look for the good in every set of circumstances. Is the cup half full or half empty?  Focusing on the positive instead of the negative, a person can be more joyous and people will want to be around you.  How often do you like spending time with someone who is always negative?  An optimistic person will always find a blessing in any situation for which to be grateful.

Show your appreciation to others. Express gratitude in the here and now. List three positive experiences from the previous week and consider those memories. According to research, cultivating appreciation regularly improves happiness and general well-being, particularly in difficult times.

Everything is a gift of the Universe–even joy, anger, jealousy, frustration, or separateness. Everything is perfect, either for our growth or our enjoyment. ~ Ken Keyes Jr.

2. Search for the Lesson

Second, optimists always search for the important lesson in each setback. They’re thankful even for hardships, interpreting difficulty as instruction rather than obstruction. When they have a difficult time, they are not thinking “Why me” They are looking for the lesson they are supposed to learn. 

You will get stronger if you embrace the challenges of life and search within for the gems that may be found there. They increase resilience because you can see from the past that you overcame challenges and that you can do so again when they arise. Difficulties, despite their difficulty, can offer valuable learning opportunities that progress your understanding and help with future planning.

Life is a school in which each day you are given opportunities to learn.  Sometimes you can learn a lesson easily, but sometimes you need to be hit hard to learn a lesson. The choice is yours, but all lessons are repeated until learned, so it is better to look for the lesson you are to learn at each stumbling block before it becomes a mountain we have to climb. 

Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values. ~Ayn Rand

3. Seek the Solution

Third, optimists are constantly seeking a solution to all difficult circumstances. Instead of blaming others or complaining about the situation (which accomplishes nothing but adding to the negativity in the world) when things don’t go the way they want, they take action, hoping to improve their situation. Optimists are solution-oriented.  They ask questions like, “What’s the answer? What can we do now to make this better? What’s the next step?” They take lemons and make lemonade. Are you doing okay “under” the circumstances?  Optimists are the ones getting dirty and climbing to the top to overcome the circumstances.

You have been told before that you already possess the answers you seek.  The only answers that are true for you come from within. You can still find answers by looking outside of yourself, but they might not be the best ones for you. Society pushes you to search elsewhere for approval, acceptance, love, fulfillment, and validation. But you must still assess the response you got to see whether it is appropriate for you. 

You may discover the best response to any topic and know it’s correct for you when you learn to look within. Since your soul can only speak the truth.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. ~ Dalai Lama

4. Focus on Objectives

Fourth, optimists think and talk continually about their objectives and aspirations. They are hopeful and expect that tomorrow will be better than today. They are future-oriented rather than backward-looking. Also, they have high expectations.  Are focused on what they are going to do, where they are going, and how they are going to get there.  They constantly want to learn and improve themselves, the current situation, and the organizations they are associated.  They are always moving forward.

Make progress toward objectives and worthwhile endeavors. Take up hobbies you can finish with success and a sense of accomplishment. Make your bed in the morning before work, go on a run, create a dinner with a loved one, or read a few pages of a book every night before bed.

You must choose pursuits you enjoy on your own, or you get to enjoy the activity with someone else, and you feel good about working hard at something and reaping the rewards of success.

True happiness is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. ~ Helen Keller

Moving Forward Choosing Happiness

Those who are happy, live in the moment. The most important moments are not lost on them. They appreciate all they have. Their lives are centered on the significant and vital. They ignore the many excellent opportunities in favor of concentrating on the top ones.

In summary, although you might not control every circumstance or its result, you have control over your feelings and how you respond to them.

Are you facing the world with fear and regret… or are you finding the blessings and the lessons while overcoming your circumstances as you improve your perspective and move forward? 

Face the world with gratitude and hope…the choice is yours. 

Choose wisely. 

Choose happiness!

Happiness is the experience of loving life. Being happy is being in love with that momentary experience. And love is looking at someone or even something and seeing the absolute best in him/her or it. Love is happiness with what you see. So love and happiness really are the same thing…just expressed differently. ~ Robert Mc Phillips

If you would like more help incorporating these behaviors into your life, please contact me at TerriKozlowski.com and we can put together an action plan for you to increase your happiness and live an authentic life.

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Article Name

For Learnable Behaviors You Can Use To Increase Your Success And Happiness

Description

There are four behaviors you can learn to increase success in life and overall happiness if you are willing to learn and implement them.

Author

Terri Kozlowski

Publisher Name

Kozmic Soul Solutions LLC

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