Over twenty-eight years ago, I met the man who would change the course of my life. Phillip wasn’t just someone I fell in love with—he was the first person I felt truly safe with. That feeling of emotional safety was something I had never experienced before.

Coming from a background of childhood sexual abuse and deep emotional abandonment from my mother, the idea of trusting another human being felt almost impossible. In my early years, I learned to depend only on myself. Vulnerability meant danger, not connection. So when Phillip came into my life, I tested him repeatedly. I placed emotional obstacles in his path—flaming hoops of my own trauma—and he consistently showed up, leapt through them, and proved again and again that he was trustworthy.

His presence didn’t erase my past, but it helped me move through the process of healing. I started to understand that love isn’t just about romance. Love, when it’s real, creates a space for you to grow into the fullness of who you are.

The best love is the one that makes you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself. ~ Unknown

Human Beings Are Wired for Connection

From the moment you’re born, you are wired to seek connection. It’s part of our survival blueprint. The human brain is biologically designed to form bonds. In fact, social connection lights up the same neural pathways in the brain as physical pleasure and survival responses. Studies show that meaningful relationships increase longevity, emotional resilience, and even physical health.

We need each other—not just for survival, but for fulfillment. Emotional intimacy, trust, and shared experiences are foundational to the human experience. And while some people hesitate to admit “needing” others because it implies weakness, it’s actually a reflection of their most essential humanity.

Of course, the nature of your needs varies. For me, Phillip initially fulfilled a need for emotional safety. For others, it might be shared joy, inspiration, or simply companionship. When these needs are rooted in mutual respect and emotional maturity, they foster healthy interdependence—not codependency.

We are born in relationship; we are wounded in relationship, and we can be healed in relationship. ~ Harville Hendrix

Need vs. Attachment: Understanding the Difference

One of the most transformational realizations in my life was learning the difference between needing someone and being attached to them.

To need someone is human. It’s about interconnection, vulnerability, and trust. But attachment—particularly the kind born from unresolved trauma or insecurity—can become a cage. It’s the belief that you are not whole without another person. It breeds fear of abandonment, jealousy, and control.

True love, by contrast, isn’t about ownership. It’s about freedom. It’s about encouraging each other to grow—even if that growth leads in different directions.

When I married Phillip, I thought I needed him to feel whole. Over time, I realized that while he supported my healing, my wholeness had to come from within. That’s when love shifted from something I clung to out of fear, to something I chose every day from a place of security.

Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation. ~ Osho

Some People Are in Your Life for a Season

Not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime. Some come into your life to teach you something, to help you grow, or to mirror back something you need to see in yourself. And when that season is over, it’s okay to let go—with love.

This is one of the hardest parts of growing into true love: accepting that change is not failure. Friendships evolve. Romantic relationships shift. Sometimes you outgrow people, or they outgrow you. And sometimes, life intervenes and moves people away from you.

This isn’t a betrayal. It’s an invitation to realign. When you release people with gratitude instead of resentment, you make space for fresh growth.

The love you shared doesn’t disappear. It becomes part of the tapestry of who you are.

            People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. ~ Unknown

What Is True Love, Really?

True love isn’t a fairytale. It’s not always glamorous, and it certainly isn’t easy. But it is real—and it’s worth growing into.

For me, true love means:

• Feeling safe to be fully myself
• Being able to grow without fear of abandonment
• Choosing each other on purpose even when it’s inconvenient
• Offering grace instead of judgment
• Supporting one another’s soul evolution

True love is built on emotional compatibility, mutual respect, and shared values. It matures over time—through seasons of joy and struggle alike.

When I look at Phillip today, I see the same man I fell in love with—and I also see someone who has grown alongside me, weathered storms with me, and loved me through every version of myself. That makes love endure, the wonder of him now.

Love is a choice you make every day. ~ Gary Chapman

From Needing to Choosing: The Evolution of Our Marriage

At the beginning of our relationship, I needed Phillip to feel secure. Now, I choose to walk through life with him because we’ve built something that doesn’t depend on need—it’s sustained by mutual growth, respect, and freedom.

According to my Sleep Number® bed (yes, even technology affirms it!), I sleep more soundly when Phillip is beside me. But I don’t feel unsafe when he’s gone. That’s the difference between dependence and interdependence. He helped me rediscover my inner strength, and I helped him expand his heart’s capacity to hold space for another.

Genuine love doesn’t want to control. It wants to see the other person shine. And it’s willing to stand back and let them grow, even when it’s hard.

The best relationships are the ones where you can be your most authentic self—and still be deeply loved. ~ Terri Kozlowski

Long-Term Love is Built, Not Found

The love you feel when you first fall in love is powerful, but it’s only the seed. It takes commitment, effort, and intention to grow that seed into a lifelong connection.

Over the last two decades, our love has matured in ways I never expected. It’s no longer just about chemistry or excitement. It’s about:

• Trust that’s been earned over time
• Truth that’s been spoken through hard conversations
• Forgiveness offered when we’ve hurt each other
• Comfort in the shared silence of simply being

We still laugh, dream, and celebrate milestones. But we also sit through grief together, navigate conflict, and honor each other’s individuality.

Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new. ~ Ursula K. Le Guin

The Soul’s Role in Love

I believe that love at its deepest level is a spiritual path. It invites you to confront your wounds, release your ego’s grip, and show up as your highest self. In that way, love becomes a mirror—a way to see not only another soul but also yourself more clearly.

Phillip has been one of my greatest teachers. Through our love, I’ve learned:

• How to receive love without fear
• How to offer love without expectation
• How to remain open-hearted, even when triggered

This is the kind of soul-aligned relationship we all deserve—one where we’re not just growing together, but evolving as individuals within a sacred union.

A soulmate is not found. A soulmate is recognized. ~ Vironika Tugaleva

Moving Forward Letting Love Transform You

Love has the power to transform not just your relationships, but your very identity. It peels back the layers of fear and shame and reveals the truth of who you are: whole, worthy, lovable.

Growing into true love means:

• Letting go of outdated beliefs about what love “should” be
• Embracing imperfection—in yourself and your partner
• Choosing connection over ego
• Allowing love to teach you how to be more human

My journey with Phillip hasn’t been perfect—but it’s been real, deep, and transformational. That’s what makes it true love.

Love is not about how many days, months, or years you’ve been together. Love is about how much you grow together. ~ Unknown

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