Feelings of want and desire to ideas, people, and things cause us to suffer.  We agonize over the thoughts we have because the circumstances we are in are not what we assumed they would be.  Or the person we want to love us doesn’t feel for us like we desire them to.  Or we find out that what we believed to be true when we were younger has shown by our experiences to be false.  These things the ego connects to cause us to suffer.  Without our attachment to them, remarkably, the suffering dissolves. 

So when we detach from the things we cling to, we open ourselves up to the adventure of life and allow ease to enter since we are no longer fighting against what is.  This non-attachment is like the teaching of living in the world, but not of it.  But we are human, and the egoic mind is to anticipate what may happen so it can protect us. Our issue isn’t with expectations. It’s with our emotions when what we expected didn’t become a reality, and it upsets us. 

To become free of attachment means to break the link identifying you with your desires. The desires continue: They are part of the dance of nature. But a renunciate no longer thinks he is his desires. ~ Ram Dass

Attachment versus Detachment

Wanting the circumstances to be a certain way is attachment.  Desiring a person to be something they’re not because that’s what you wish and not accepting them as the beautifully imperfect human they are, is attachment.  When you believe an idea that has been proven to be false, because that’s what you always thought is attachment.  Worrying about the future not only causes anxiety but is attachment.  These inner preferences can cause us to fight against what is.  

When we cling to things, there’s resistance, which doesn’t allow us to be at peace with what is.  Because we resist what is happening, we choose to suffer.  If we let go of the outcomes, we desire we allow peace and happiness to enter our lives.  Detachment requires us to release how we think life should be. 

It’s easy to disconnect from the outcomes as long as we stay fully present and aware.  This moment is, and it is perfect.  Though you may want things a certain way, detaching means that we release ourselves from the suffering thoughts of the egoic mind.  We cannot control every aspect of our lives, but we do have the opportunity to choose how we respond to those events.  Disconnecting from the outcomes and desires of the ego allows peace to be a part of our daily lives. 

He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment. ~Meister Eckhart

Attachments Arise from Fear

Sacristy, the feeling of lack, causes a majority of our attachment.  The fear-based mindset of the ego causes havoc in our lives.  The fear of not having something leads to a preoccupation with things you don’t have.  The feelings of loneliness arise from feeling that others don’t like you, even if you have many friends.  Sacristy triggers clinginess.  These feelings can cause us to act impulsively. 

When we become attached to an idea, we may fixate on one particular result.  We also close ourselves to any additional information that may be available to us.  To help reduce the fearful feelings, understand that there are many options and choices available to you.  Some you may not like, but don’t allow the mind to become circular in its thinking.  Just know that there are many possibilities ahead of you. This neutrality of thought will enable you to be open to unseen opportunities that may arise.

Attachment comes from a perception of lack – all comes from fear.  ~ Yvette Soler

Attachment versus Love

When attachment concerns people, it can get a bit confusing.  I’m not telling you to stop loving the people in your life.  I am telling you to love them without connecting your needs, wants, and desires to them. 

I didn’t feel safe because of childhood trauma from the time I was eleven until I met my husband.  I made an unconscious attachment to him that if he wasn’t present, that I would be in danger and unsafe.  With his help, I can now say that I don’t connect my safety to his presence.  This clinginess had nothing to do with the love I feel for him, but a fear-based childhood belief. 

Most of us can relate to the expectations we place on our children or ones placed on us by our parents.  I had a dream of my son going to college, but he freezes up when tested. If you have a conversation with him, he can tell you all the information, but put a test in front of him or have him speak to a group, and he can’t do it.  I had to detach from the dream I had and allow him to find another way, which he did by joining the armed forces.   

Parents have dreams for their kids, but those children our independent beings that are to become their soulful selves, despite the hopes of their parents.  We need to release these thoughts so the kids can be who they are, not imitations of ourselves nor the dreams we want to live through them.   

Attachment is about fear and dependency and has more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you because you’re empty. ~ Yasmin Mogahed

The Need to Be Right

I needed to argue my point of view and to prove I was right to others.  This course of action isn’t wrong, but many times it just doesn’t matter.  Sometimes I want to be sure others hear my point so we can make an informed decision.  In the past, I would argue because I wanted the group to agree that I was right.  I attached myself to getting their acknowledgment.    

In the grand scheme of things, whether I’m right doesn’t matter.  Others have to decide and live with that choice.  If I’m proven to be right later, then maybe next time I have something to say, they will hear me.  Sometimes I need to allow others to misstep so they can grow.  Other times I need to listen to them so I can see a fresh perspective.  Trying to prove you’re right is ego-based, having to do with your fear of unworthiness.  It’s a lie of the ego, as we are all worthy.  Be open to others and release judgment. 

Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You’re able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment.  ~ Ralph Marston

Becoming Aware of Attachments

Realizing that you have an attachment is the first step in releasing it.  Most of these things we cling to come from our past.  Ideas, beliefs, and preferences we apply to our lives repeatedly without analyzing if they are still relevant and right for us to use.  This programming from our past is an automatic reaction the ego uses as it is familiar. Just like any automated reply, it can’t fit each situation as they are all unique.  The best response is a mindful one.

Once realized, you can now have compassion for the part of you that’s connected to a specific outcome.  This self-care is to help you focus your energy on non-resistance to what is.  If you get upset with yourself about the attachment, your ego will just resist more emphatically.  Through compassion, you can overcome the fear the ego has been instilling in you about the situation and detach from it. 

Fear triggers us to close our hearts and our minds, thus closing out options.  To open them up again, we need to feel safe, which is where are self-care comes in.  When we are compassionate to ourselves, we feel safe and can release the attachment.  Reassure yourself that whatever the circumstances are, you will be stronger for them; however, the situation resolves itself. 

Being attached is what prevents us from seeing; it is what clouds this miraculous awareness.  ~ Geoffrey Shugen Arnold

Learning to Detach

When we look back, we may realize how much we clung to an idea that prevented us from seeing a better path.  So we want to recognize if we are limiting our vision.  Or are we keeping an open mind and an open heart as we face ever-changing circumstances in our lives? 

Detachment doesn’t mean that we don’t care about others or that we don’t have goals.  It means that we don’t have only one path to get to where we want to be.  There are many conduits to get there.  And we need to allow the Universe to work its synchronistic magic instead of determining that there is only one path.  It also means that we aren’t letting the egoic mind keep us in a state of fear about how it will look when we arrive. 

Detaching from our desires means that we are more concerned with the truth.  Accepting others and loving them as they authentically are. We no longer fear the opinions of others.  We are willing to standing up for ourselves and one another without concern about the responses we receive. 

Non-attachment is not the elimination of desire. It is the spaciousness to allow any quality of mind, any thought or feeling, to arise without closing around it, without eliminating the pure witness of being. It is an active receptivity to life. ~ Stephen Levine

Detaching Eliminates Duality

Duality is a human construct that the egoic mind created to help bring order to the world.  It’s the belief that there are inverses to every concept, like love and hate, day and night, and rich and poor.  But this egoic perception is an illusion that keeps us trapped and suffering.  We can only see reality with detachment. 

By no longer clinging to people or outcomes, we allow the mind to release the division.  The heart only sees the whole – the whole of humanity, the whole of love.  The separation only exists in the egoic mind.  By detaching, we can embrace the whole of our authentic selves and our part in humanity.  We no longer believe that we are separate and alone, and our fears subside.  Our suffering melts away.  

All duality is a mind creation. All duality is created by the clinging and attached mind. When there is no attachment, there is no duality. ~ Osho

Moving Forward

A lot of energy is used to fuel our clinginess.  We waste time worrying about the future.  We argue with others about them needing to change to fit our ideal.  But this energy is better used to detach from our programming so we can respond with an open heart.  Attachments don’t allow for the miraculous.  They only feed the separation and duality of the fearful mind of the ego. 

Clinginess is not loving others. It’s about selfishness.  Being able to detach is simplistic.  Be aware of your fears and the ways you attach to people and outcomes. Be open to all the Universe has to give instead of being trapped in the one way the ego sees the situation resolving.  Through openness, we allow our lives to unfold as masterpieces of unexpected opportunities.  We allow ease and peace to be the conditions we live from each day. 

Overcoming attachment does not mean becoming cold and indifferent. On the contrary, it means learning to have relaxed control over our mind through understanding the real causes of happiness and fulfillment, and this enables us to enjoy life more and suffer less.  ~ Kathleen McDonald

As you become more conscious of your thought patterns and see the attachments you have made, you can release them to create a better life.  If you would like to receive more informative and mindful articles right into your mailbox, fill this out. 

Do you need support to help you release the attachments in your life?  Do you want a strategy to help you overcome the ego’s limiting beliefs and live a successful life? If so, please contact me, and we can put together an action plan for you to create the life you desire.

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Summary

Article Name

Without Attachment, Remarkably the Suffering Dissolves

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When we make a connection to an outcome, and it doesn't happen, our attachment causes suffering. If we learn to detach, then the pain dissolves.

Author

Terri Kozlowski

Publisher Name

Kozmic Soul Solutions LLC

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